There has been so many farewells recently that it's not funny anymore! I'm not made out of a heart of stone (as rach fi would have described it), so, it aint the easiest for me to say goodbye to people.

I realised that when people pack, and if you're lucky (or unlucky?) enough to be there to witness the process, you have the priviledge of seeing bits and pieces of their lives through the little knick-knacks that lie around. I was totally fascinated and being a horder myself, apart from finding everything interesting, i realised that behind the so-called-unneccessary-junk, there's a story of itself.

Over the past few weeks, I had to say goodbye to 2 of my ex-housies, 1 of my urbies and a friend very close to my heart. AND, another one is leaving in few days! (now now, munyee, hold on to your tears! it'll be so embarassing to cry in the com lab!)
and i was talking to my besties back at home over skype and totally broke down. I was suffering from quarter life crisis and asking them the big questions about life, people, career and everything else under the sun.

I guess i was overwhelmed. The thought about people leaving home for good or going to another country for work, yes it is exciting and i am very happy for them, but I think I just need to work on my adaptation skills and be better at getting used to not seeing the familiar faces i used to see every so often. I find it so funny that yesterday, it was su ann who was boarding the flight but she had to check on me and make sure that i'm ok.

but what she said was very true.
If there leaving was nothing to be sad about, or the fact that it doesnt hurt as much, would probably mean there wasnt anything to celebrate in the friendships and bonds made here.

Beat sent me a very encouraging email (which i will share more next time), talking about seasons in life and I realised that I am in this strategic season of redefining myself and who I am in God and where I am to go. Who I was, what I'm going through now will shape who I am yet to become in the future! Being at the point when you are so near (yet so far) to the end of uni, flogged with job applications and asking about what is to happen next and where to go feels like you're juggling with A WHOLE heap of things. but then again, you just need to chill out, lay back and gather you bits and pieces. Having been on placements for the whole while makes me feel so burnt out. But talking to my uni friends again made me realised i'm not the only one going through this silly little quarter life crisis.

Instead, it really got me thinking.


Before Ant left, he gave me this whole heap of craft materials, papers and all things cool. He always believe in the creative side of me. Li Yin gave me some of her clothes and some household goods. It reminds me of the housies time that we shared. And before Su Ann left, she wrote me this letter of how I changed her life by being myself.

Yes, I am at the season of dealing with people leaving my physical circle and searching for directions. It kinda feels like I am in a season of uncertainty but also a season preparation.

So, yes. I have now a few more things in my room. they are not junk and i only hoard things with sentimental values (ie. everything! hahaha) but they do have stories to tell. from a season of someone else's life and now entering to mine.


and yes. i will clean my room tonight!

Happy Ending

I had this song by Mika in my head on the way back from Ballarat post my placements that it is only then that i finally realised that i had been singing to the wrong lyrics ALL THE WHILE! how embarassing!!!!

ORIGINAL LYRICS

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

MUN YEE'S VERSION

This is the way you love me,
I'm not pretending

Full of hope, of love, of glory,
My Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
just us together.

I was singing to it after YEARS only i realised i was singing to the wrong thing!! i was obviously living in my own world for far too long! hahaha still i think i like my version of it better. i didnt know the song was talking about a breakup or the reality of life where there was no happy ending! LIES i tell you. I still believe in happily ever after. I'd still like to live in my cupcake world and yes, dreams do come true :)

2 of my friends just got attached and 1 couple just got engaged!!!! I AM SO EXCITEDDDDD, and i just cant hide it!!!! WOOT WOOT!

prayer request

pls pray for my mummy. one of the blood vessels on her eye clotted and burst and it has now affected her vision. she can still see but it is very blurry. sookers and dad are yet to take her to the specialist and find out more about the diagnosis and what is happening. mummy is saying it's no biggie but it scares the world out of me. i cant imagine life without vision!

so, please pray for my mummy.

yes, i do appreciate prayers asking for healings and speedy recovery.

but i would appreciate prayers that ask God to open her eyes so that she can see Jesus through this time. just like how paul was struck blind by God and completely turned around. I'm believing for that kinda miracle. would you stand in faith and believe with me?

I MISS

youuuuuu! come here quickly already so that i dont waste my time looking at photos or procrastinating when i should be applying for jobs! hahahahha

kids and magic

via Sarah

BEAUTIFUL

hi.

so i have not been blogging for a while. it was for a good reason.

i had been grieving from the inside. for a moment, i thought everything i believed in was wrong, that i couldnt hear from God properly and the lies of the enemies was clouding my head. and everyday, i just live it for that day. things were grey and fighting negative thoughts were such huge challenges. people told me that i'll be ok and i just agreed. i knew i would be but the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so very far away and, the last thing i want, is to let out some of my negative vents on cyberspace (as if we didnt have enough of that already). hence, the lack of blogging. apologise to whoever who still come by. the past month was just pushing myself to go for placements when the only thing i want to do is to curl up in bed and cry. i packed my week with things to do and make sure i spend time with people. i left no time for myself to think and relax. i need to be strong for myself and not get the people around me worried. i just kept telling myself l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n. and pushed myself. i cried and picked myself up and everyday was just looking forward to the end of the day and hopefully i'll sleep things away. i was operating the numb mode.

God is always in the picture. people told me to pray and worship. i did all of that, but God seemed to push me to the deep side, to not look at my own circumstance and even asked me to serve others. i was still operating the "what-about-me?-i'm-hurting-too" mindset. there wasnt any of the cuddle and comfort that i was expecting, like how i knew he would whenever i'm sad. this time, it was just a lot of tough love and mature teaching. He still loves me, i know. otherwise, i wouldnt have made it to today. i am so thankful for the friends that stood alongside of me. it was them, the little victories and little things in my daily life that i knew God is still real. and no matter how much i want to throw in the white towel, the faintest tinge of hope comes in. and last weekend, my life hit the turning point again.

i was in Planetkids camp.

the Friday morning, i knew that my breakthrough would come. i am believing in the kids' breakthrough and i know in seeing theirs, mine would come. even if it didnt, seeing my kids having a touch from God, would be the victory enough to pull me through.

of course, God being God, always surprises us and going above over and beyond.

i didnt really know what happened, but during worship, God's peace and joy just came and fill from within. i cant quite explained it, an exchange happened.

The sorrow, pain and hurt was replaced with joy and peace.

everything was gone. just like that.

it was swift, it was quick and it was gone. i didnt know how or what exactly happened but something happened. God mended my broken heart and restore the joy of salvation in me. i never knew it could happen instantaneously but it did and i am so grateful. i thought the healing process takes a looooong time, but God did it in a moment.

my pain and hurt was real. but God is real in healing me and mending my broken heart too.

i am ready to be back up on my feet again. (sorry it took a while) but i'm sooo happy to say, I am verrryyy happy now.

and when you see me smiling again, be assured that, the smile on my face is genuine, and i'm not pulling a brave face.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

ps. thank you for all the hugs, emails, texts and calls for the past month.