orignially .. i was gonna post something really depressing and complained bout my life here again .. until ..i was a bit slacked and felt tat hmm .. mayb i should check my mail first and hope that something may lift me up .. and there we go .. i read two!! :)

well ..the first one was a lil about God .. about christianity .. so .. here's the link for those who may be interested ..

http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllpreviewlarge.html


yup .. the second one i've posted here .. so .. go and read it!! it's really uplifting .. ya .. it did make a difference .. it's amazing how lil things in life that can change ur day :)

well .. for me at least .. from originally ..

i felt so unloved .. so stucked and so sufficated in this place that i seriously need to get out of here and go for a break .. and hang out with people i love and who see me as i am .. who are willing to open up to me .. and a very very pessimism mood .. i read the 2 mailz ... and

it REALLY made a difference..

especially the first one..
i'm not too sure where my believes are bringing me .. but i do believe that there is a God upthere .. somewhere ... and that link .. it's really comforting to know that GOd will always love us ..cos.. rite now .. i really felt unloved .. i felt like i have frens ... but no one to turn to .. i felt like i'm surrounded by people .. but i'm still lonely .. everywhere i turn .. i'm like a lost unwanted pup .. seem cute in the outside .. but dead vulnerable and all i want is just a shelter .. yes yes .. i'm going through a very emo stage now .. turn away and go read some one else's blog ... cos i'll keep blabbering and complaining ..
go .. i'm warning ya ..

GO!
or else u're gonna read about the most ridicule and dark side of me ..




i know i shouldnt be complaining .. cos i'm so much more priviledged compared to so many other kids around the world .. but then ... i felt so drained .. emotionally .. formal is coming .. (prom) yes !! true .. when i'm with people .. i get so hyped and so cheerful and all those .. but when i'm alone ..
no one knows the tears i secretely shed ... on the phone .. or underneathe my blanket ..
no one knows how i hugged onto my softoys and let my tears roll on them ..
i'm not strong .. i hate to admit ..
i'm shallow .. no personality .. and people always say that u should be looking out for the better u in the future ..
well .. i'm looking back to the past. ..
i'm always wondering how did i manage to be wat they used to say last time cos rite now .. i feel tat i'm like a zillion eons away from it .. i'm nothing like it ..
or
am i just being to conscious and had nothing else better to do than to think of foolish silly tots???? *i really wish so*
well .. u cant blame me .. i'm going without my phone for 2 weeks ..
it is just so painful .. (not going without my phone lar!) but doing things that would result in hurting someone u love very very much .. and in return getting hurt .. through my own actions

i just felt like i'm being really kiasu .. i'm not sharing ..
not sharing my knowledge (due to the freaking competition in this environment which i kinda mentioned lastime)
i'm not sharing my food
i'm not sharing my time with frens (cos i spent them all on homework)
i'm not sharing my time with my family i MISS greatly
i felt as if i have a narrow mind and a small heart .. i'm not anywhere near supportive .. and nothing near great ..
i felt as if i'm badly sinned ..
and i always see the faulty in people now .. i'm not commenting on it .. but i just hate how i'm being so shallow!! judging people by their surfaces.. i DUN WANT TO! and i hate how there are people who are so scrutinizing and so judmental.. so patronising and so critical.. (is it a girl school thing to bitch! oh my gosh!)
so much jealousy .. so much greed ... so much unpleasant thoughts tat just randomly came into my head and when i come to think of it .. it really made me sick !
i wanna get out of this ..

i'm searching for the old me ..
i've changed my email .. my phone ... but have i changed myself???
are changes for the better or for the worse??
funny isnt it when u tot tat u'd always been doing so well .. and then .. everything just come crashing into u ..
and winter just simply like to add on its effect on ur misery
darkness just engulf the earth earlier ..
even nightmares occur more often!! (i'm serious!! >.< )
when u tot after years .. u've managed to stand up .. and different .. WORSE things come stabbing you .. not because of others ... but because of the sick mind of urs..

GET OVER IT!!

i hate all these disgusting tots ...


i constantly reassured myself that i am not who i think i am
the positive or the negative way
i've got so much more to learn
i'm not tat smart .. so please please stop all the teasing .. cos it simply puts me off..
i'm not perfect .. so please stop personifying me as if i'm a goddess ..
i've got so much more to learn ...

i'm trying to be a better person.. and i really wanna be one
i wanna reach out .. spiritually .. and emotionally..
i wanna be strong .. mentally and physically fit (loose weight oso)
i wanna dance and sing and scream my lungs out!!!!!!!!
i wanna learn how to lead my own life .. live my life for me .. not for others

and i'm definately thankful for everything i have ..
u know wat?? every morning .. when i wake up .. i see the sun rising .. (if i made it tat early lar) and that could just make my day!! and i really thank God for it!
every night before i sleep .. .. now ... i pray
i pray for the broken hearted .. i pray for the ones i loved.. i pray for love in the world and i count my blessings .. and thank God for each and everyone of it .. i pray for a better and happier tomorrow ..
and if i still could get a wish granted ,
i'll probably wish for the same thing again.. ( as usual.. hehe .. those who know wat i always wish for know wat i'm saying)

oh ya .. maybe i should pray for a bigger heart .. to love and to give more .. *making mental note to myself .. yup! i'll do that!! :) *

but yea .. i'm just being really emo .. and i like how after i blog . my mood somehow becomes better .. like after giving out a blast .. the weights were removed .. though the true problem still lies .. yet .. it feels ... GOOD! .. at first i was gonna type ... "it would be better if i get a response" haha .. but then .. i tot .. hmmm .. nah .. i've gotta learn how to not expect anything in return ..

in the search of my true real identity .. i'm probably just a typical teenager going through all the other shit that others had to .. probably they HAD already been through .. well ..sorry .. i'm abit slow and blur .. but u cant blame me rite?? *haha .. guess i havent changed alot afterall!! haha *


so ...
today shall mark the moment .. as i set out .. and journey on the learning process to be a better person...
to be ME !






*sorry guys .. this is an awful long post but congrats and thank u for making to the end... appreciate tat! hehe ^.^

please know and REMEMBER that i will always love you no matter wat..
and i'll always be there for you when you need
just like how you are there for me
cos i believe in FRIENDS FOREVER*

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.


Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.


And, there on television, she said it was "exciting."
Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.


The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:


"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."


"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."


"I've learnt that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."



"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." "I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."


"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some tings back."



"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make
the right decision."


"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to
be one."


"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch
someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."


"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."


"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people
will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

MY PHONE~~~!!!!!!!!!

well .. not that there's something wrong with my phone but from today on till the 7th of may ... it'll remained switchedoff unless for alarm purposes ... cos .. I BUSTED my credit to the max max!! >.< i'm sorry ppl .. i wont be able to reply u cos this month .. my credit went up to AUD $ 107.49 shit!! tat's like RM 321 !! shit~~!!!
damn it .. i have to cut down on other (eg. food and other expenses) to save money!!
well .. i cant blame it on anyone but my laziness .. cos i was too lazy to walk down the stairs in the middle of the nite and to call ppl back home and tot tat our conversations wouldnt last so long .. (which was utterly dumb of me knowing tat i could go on forever) ..so .. i pushed my credit to the max mann!!

enough munyee .. u need to study and START SAVING >.< hopefully i can stand the temptation of going without my baby for 2 weeks~~!!

and worse still i'm gonna be spending quite some money during formal weekend!! we're planning to stay out ($$) then cab there ( $$) as well as pigging out .. eating out ( $$$$$$ ) and probably driniking and clubbing ( $$$ ) shittt!!!! i'm splurging my money like water now.. hope mum and dad dont read my blog!!

ok .. i'm gonna cut down my spending from today onwards!! i promise!!
sorry kc .. i was gonna send u a bday card tat cost 1.25 ... now .. i dun think i can .. i promise u tat there's one coming when i go back!! or when u come ok??! i'm so so sorry .. i really went out of budget >.<

a beautiful song .. michelle .. dun cry k?! :P


"Have You Ever?"
by BRANDY


[Chorus]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]




mandy was playing that song over and over again over her ipod and it got stucked to my head too .. but yet .. nothing can beat Far Away by Nickelback!!!! i still love and crave for it tho i've heard it for probably up to 200 + already! haha :P



NICKELBACK LYRICS

"Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

...

hmm .. well .. just a lil shout outs ..

happy belated birthday evil twin joel !!!!! sorrwee i dint know ur 17th bday was so special!! and i was so blur to miss it!! hope u had fun!!!!

thank u shen for calling me the other day!!! :) hehe!! nice talking to u!! i think u've put on some accent from germany!! in my opinion .. but not very sure! but take care my dear!! i sure miss u~!!

for the broken hearted .. dun forget to look up the sky and lift ur heads high.. there's always the sun .. or the moon there .. if not .. the stars would be there to go through ur toughest time with ya! .. so .. cheer up!! u never know the next moment when u look up .. there's a beautiful rainbow round the corner! know tat i'll always be there when u need me k?


ok .

where should i start with ?? sometimes .. as i was just thinking to myself after i sign into my blog .. if i can write a good post .. might as well not blog .. but on the other hand .. i enjoyed blabbering out shit here! .. as in write out the weirdest and the most random things possible! .. haha .. and also knowing that someone outthere may just bum into my blog and read the crap i wrote gives me the kick to not shutting this blog down .. :)
but then .. the school mac com cant read the url of my blog .. need to go to the windows com .. a lil troublesome .. aikz .. but i'll do tat !! wonder who left me a msg ..


updates from me ..
been to a future leader forum in melb uni .. heard some really good speakers sharing bout their career experiences and their lives .. and their views on leadership.
there were some really good and inspiring stuff tat i would really like to share but i'm not really in the mood now .. but i promise i will .. sometime later.. :P if i remember :P

well .. more of the deeper part of me ..
i duno y but i'm a lil homesick lately .. all i wanna do is have fun .. play and forget all the responsibilities and work.. i cant wait for the june break and go back!! i know .. i've been here for more than 2 years and why am i still homesick .. i've got frens here as well and i'm not greatly missed or watever shit .. but still .. there's just this tinge of loneliness in me .. i know when i go back .. it's not gonna be the same as well .. people have college and we are now on different paths .. yea .. frens still .. but i'm really scared tat i wont be as close as i used to be! .. i'm really scared .. ok .. i admit

my greatest fear is to loose a fren..
to know tat a person is there but not really there ..
to see someone cry and not being able to do something
to be loved and not really loved
i know i wont be forgotten tat easily .. (i hope) but i'm really afraid tat i may just be out of someone's mind ..
i'm scared of being alone everytime when i have to jump off the tram and walk back to school by myself in the dark
i'm scared of blogging in the computer room when all i see outside the window is pitch blackness (NOW!!) haha :P
i'm scared tat i will cry on the final day when we say goodbye
i'm even more scared tat i wont cos i'm scared tat it meant there's nothing for me to cry over
i'm scared tat i'm drowning in my pile of homework tat now i'm hating myself for being so fucking competitive
i'm scared tat i wont be able to do my job well tat i'm not even pleasing myself
i'm scared of loosing my identity
i'm scared that i wont treat ppl nicely
worse of all .. i'm scared of loosing my smile


damn . i dint know i'm scared of so many things!





shit! there's still boarding hse shit to do! .. sometimes i wonder if i dun bother .. would anyone take the initiative to care .. ya . i'm the captain .. so??? ... sometimes i need someone to push me and give me the kick and encouragement too .. i'm tired of being the pushy one! .. and tired of being pushed around (by the invisble fact) that i have to push ppl ..




i wanna go home .. and just lie on my bed and stare at my ceiling ..

ignore this post unless it applies to u! :P

EH!! CHICKEN BACKSIDE!! POKANANA!!!

i've been very hardworking at replying ppl's mail but then SOME people havent been replying~ *cough cough*
well .. i'm abit lonely here! ..
A bit outdated ..
and a lil homesick~

shoulder angel : well .. hehe .. think on the other hand .. well . not tat u've been replying ppl very effieciently .. mayb ppl are busy leh?? just like u..

me : yalor .. see .. now tat i've got no one's mail to read i have to spam my own blog

shoulder devil : yea .. can tell that you're quite pathetic

me : ya .. considering the fact that i have a SAC on the first day of school ! wat the hell~!!

shoulder angel : no swearing!!

me : ehh .. wat am i doing here .. talking to myself?? o.O

shoulder angel and devil : *nods agreedily*

me : i really wanna go home
me : i really want a break so badly!!
me : i havent been spending time with my frens
me : shit! i dun think i'm a family person ! as in .. i love my family HEAPS.. but i'm not as close that i tot i would be
me : but i still like being in the comfort zone
me & shoulder angel : eww.. i'm so ... EW!

Easter Break

yay!! easter break is officially starting tomorrow~!!
i've been hearing that easter is not just about choc eggs and bunnies .. it mean so much more!! well .. i guess so .. but to me.. this easter break is gonna be a family time for me cos my daddy is here~!! woohoo!!! :D but yup .. will definately think of the true meaning behind easter :)

SOCIAL 2006
of BARBIE and KEN

well .. what more can i say?? this year's social is a total success~!! wanna say big thank u to the staffs, committee (all my dears and darlings who had done so so much and i cant say thank u enough) and everyone who contributed, dress up and attended!! it's gonna be a nite of all nites mann!! a nite of craziness, fun, hectic, music and dancing!! *woot* haha :P

social is when a school throw a "party-clubbing" ish kinda event and invite school of the opposite sex to socialise and meet new frens .. ie. girls and guys get together and dance as well as socialising.. it has always been a big thing in the bhse for the girls .. eh! chance to meet new guys worr!! who wont look forward to it mann?!!?? hahaha .. well .. but the still are preparations tat needed to be done for the committee



the fantastic committee :) *applause*

prior to friday nite .. there had been meetings and meetings, discussions after discussions .. and phone calls as well as letters that needed to get organised before that big nite for everyone in the bhse .. well .. all of them went alrite .. and i better not bore ppl of elongating all the preparations as tat's not the true highlight!! hehe :P but tstill .. there's thank u and words of appreciation that need to be said :) so .. once again ..thank u!!



tammi,the cowgirl , mandy, err.. the not too goth + sparkle barbie and i, bling bling sparkle barbie :P - before ppl started to fill the student dining room

tammi and mandy- DJ (who was awesome and fantastic with cool song throughout the whole nite) and money collector


us gurls with mr DJ. his name is garv btw

lee and i - in charge of food :P what else can i be incharge of?!! haha .. ppl said that food was better this year too! we has chips .. pizzas... drink(constantly filled) .. marshmellows.. lollies .. and the lists goes.. haha :P but really .. have to say a big thank u to lee .. being so responsible and fed everyone so well :P hehe


lee constantly filling up drinks for ppl

kaitlyn - leading her deco bunch of girls .. the dull monotonous dining room was transformed into a barbie heaven!! so pretty!! but aikz .. no photo of it! oopz .. :P


kaitlyn, the workout barbie



after school .. mak mandy and i were like thinking of wat to dress up as ... mak is going as a ballerina... mandy n i were still like stuck and duno wat to wear ... so .. joyce marvellously came up with the sparkle barbie idea and wa la! there we go! hehe :) also .. wanna thank mummy joyce( 2 joyces in the bhse) hehe :P for the fantastic make up and hair do!! she can open a saloon d mann!! but obviously as the nite went .. n i'm not a very elegant girl .. i messed them up :P


let the photos do the talking@!! haha :)

so .. ya .. at 7.30 .. guys started to arrive and girls were on their way .. numbers were assigned so tat the guys could go n look for the girls with the same number as theirs .. bt the vice versa would work too i suppose .. heeheee :P yupz..

then there was heapz of dancing and heapz of girls dressed up :)


blondie barbies


mak the ballerina barbie and i


kate the police barbie and my sis


dancing dancing







the choo-choo train!!


ppl dancing.. ermmm ... ya.. position wise .. abit weird i have to admit




look closely.. there's a familiar guy in there!!

who else but CHU XIANG!! haha :P (well .. he came for the food and girls .. food first. ..girls come second! haha .. not for me >.< )



the teletubbies crashed in too!!! haha :P



i was running around .. with my heels for some while .. (the ones i wore to prom) .. but then .. knowing tat i'm not a heel person .. i ended up taking off my heels again . .and chuck them in the cloak room .. :P .. and felt much more comfortable!! haha .. but on the way back .. mandy and lee had to piggy back me.. aikz .. feel so sorry for them .. had to carry a pig at their backs .. but dun worry lee n mandy .. i promise i'll piggy back u in return!! hee :)


mandy piggy backing me :) she said i weighed more than her duke of ed camp backpack! obviously mandy!! i'm more than 50k lar! :P


photo shoots :)


our group


year 11s


kitty, teletub, alice the fairy barbie and selah, teletub


posers!! hehe :P

but towards the end.. the second last song .. the DJ played this song ..

Alphaville

Forever Young


Let’s dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait we’re only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don’t have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music’s for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we’re getting in tune
The music’s played by the madmen

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why don’t they stay young

It’s so hard to get old without a cause
I don’t want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And dimonds are forever

So many adventures couldn’t happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true


WARHLIAU!! damn sad and touching lar!! i really wanna stay forever young!! and everyone cuddle and hugged .. bearing the tot tat this is our final . .LAST social !! how sad@!! >.< selah and lydia even cried!! omg!! aikz .. it was really a sentimental moment!! this is really hit me and inserted the fact that THIS IS MY FINAL HIGH SCHOOL YEAR!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! T.T



and this





that nite was really awesome!! .. after all the stuff .. i was thinking to myself .. i really wanna stay forever young! well .. i know there's no such thing .. but hopefully at least my memories will stay and last! forever young!!


haha!! mandy cleaning up .. and me?? sitting down and take photos of her !! haha :P *lazy bumm*


then ..today was good too!! i went out with yeen .. hopefully could get a nice dress for prom but ending up ..


at koko black

what is koko black? well they serve


closer look




yup!! it was SUPERB!! total indulgence mann!! and the best thing was that chua, yeen's neighbour treated me!! yay!!!



look how happy tat woman was!! haha :) tat was how good it was!! :D i want somemore!!

aikz .. she's going home tmr!! i'll miss her heapz@!!! for 2 weeks!! safe flight my dear!!
pathetic me oni have to get AUS $7 of
for lunch to fill my craving of home!!

i wanna go kayu!! i want mamak!! i wanna go home!!!

shit!

i just flunk my spesh sac >.<
shitty side : flung my sac for spesh , chem and english

aikz T.T pray hard tat i din make stupid careless mistakes on top of that

bright side : i did 5 out of my 6 tests and sacs i have this week! 1 more to GO!!

i really need a break mann!!

haha thank u uncle boss who called me at 1am .. :) tho i was asleep d. . but i was stilll very :)

i've got something to share :) haha .. yupz! A-G-A-I-N

one day .. as i was just checking an my email .. as usual . .hoping for some replies even tho i myself havent been very fast at replying . . but ya .. was still keeping my hopes up /... then i saw this familiar name in my inbox
so.. doubtlessly. . i clicked it! and read the email he wrote ..
ya .. he was very sweet and updated me bout his life there ..which i find very interesting :) yup .. read read read .. yada yada yada .. then!! there was something very nice in the beggining and the end ..

i was like SO so SO flattered~

hehe :P there goes .. he wrote :

*First, I wanna dedicate these pics to u… It was taken frm my window after a rain here in spring.. A RAINBOW.. Regenbogen in german… look carefully, in one pic, there are 2 rainbows…. It reminds me of ur ever cheerful personality, bright smiles, positive spirit, and the joy u bring not only to mine, but I believe all of ur frens heart… So I thought of u at sight of it.. so here it is.. To my dear friend, mun yee…*

hah~ .. got the idea of who wrote this?? yup yup!! my darling KAMYU chongshen all the way from germany!! get jealous ppl!! haha :P and the sweetest thing is this!!



and this




and they are both dedicated to me!! haha :P get jealous girls!! haha :P hahha .. i'm bragging here but so embarassing if shen suddenly come up and tell me tat he actually dedicated the beautiful rainbows to everyone else as well =.='' better not ya shen!! hahaha :P *fingers crossed*

but then it was really nice of him to think of me in such a way :) it's such a sweet comment! .. but the rainbow where nevertheless pretty :) seriously ..
dun u think so?? sharing something tat u think is nice with someone bring joy and fulfilment in some other way as well?? hmm .. i do!! :P haha .. so thank u thank u thank u kamyu

*flashback*
well ... in kinder .. kids were just sharing food .. crayons and pencils .. i even remembered seeing someone crying when some other kid didnt wanna accept wat he or she offered!!! "take it!! take it !! y dint u wanna take it?!! y?? y??? !!! " then there goes the whinning and crying with loud screams of " WHY?!! WHY DINT U WANNA TAKE IT?? " haha .. :P

*back*
tat was how selfless kids were .. but as we slowly grow up .. truth is that we ARE all so materialistic and somewat selfish! ..look wat the world that we live in is turning us like to???*gasp* hahah .. nah .. *stop being dramatic* haha but i guess it is in human nature that we place ourselves first before others .. and think of me, I and MYSELF .. the benefits and money! .. the competition in sports .. accademic and even in life!! tat we wanna excel just to prove to others that we are BETTER than them .. well .. is it really worth it ?? trying so hard to do your best and ended up hurting urself?? aikz .. it's just another pathethic attempt of self assuring.. but seriously .. does anyone even care how good you are?? i mean .. the true u .. not judging u by studies .. position .. background and culture .. . the you deep inside ... underneathe ... i duno .. aikz ..

tat's wat i felt like recently .. i hate myself being so selfish and so kaisu!!! eww ... i'm just taking things for granted .. so confident in successing but yet the stupid fall is so hurtful .. yerr... i'm just so dumb! .. so self centered .. so .. un-munyee :( ! i duno>.< eww.. often times (ermm haha ..not often times. . oni twice this week) .. i ended up in distress ..
but it's always AWESOME to recieve something uplifting when u're down in the pit .. a rainbow is just so appropriate!! haha :) reminds me that there's always something to look forward to after the dark cloudy windy (hate the wind) rain! .. a curve tat resembles a smile :) to set things straight!!

one must love themselves before loving others. . hmm .. i guess .. but i wanna learn to give more .. and take less.. love more .. and expect less in return .. i wanna be a BETTER person in terms of relationships and handling things .. better in having a big heart and not afraid to fall .. a wanna have a better personality .. and i dun wanna distant myself from the people i love .. i'm making the effort tho!! so .. do back me up ya!!

the chaplain set my mind thinking after chapel .. " it's the troubles in life that either make us bitter or better " .. and he told something bout love today .. relationship with god, frens and in marriage .. but i wasnt really paying attention today :P oopz.. hehe the previous quote was way cooler tho .. "bitter or better?"

for me .. i supposed both .. i first get bitter ..then i'll get better?! hehe :D

should be studying for spesh sac .. but came up with a long blog .. haha :)

so ... enjoy the rainbow that shen shared with me and i'm sharing wit u (kamyu..hope u dun mind ya!! i know u wont! hehe :P ) there's always a rainbow round the corner .. so keep ur eyes wide and look out for the rainbow k?!

ya~!! .. just stole a paragraph of someone's blog just then :P

well .. i'm not too sure whether am i really doing ok here .. as in .. like .. yea .. i'm all stressed out due to studies and stuff .. eh!! who wouldnt if he or she is in my shoes! check out my schedule this week!

mon - chem sac
tues - english oral sac
wed - bio test and specialist sac
thurs - spesh sac
fri - chem test

and other than studies .. i have other commitments too .. like boarding hse social, boarders jumper and stuff like committee meetings and sports!! i really need to pick up a sports or else my cv is gonna look damn empty and i'm gonna freaking be so unfit and winter is here so FAT!!! ahh!!! >.<

weekend oh weekend .. where art thou weekend!?! haha ( i miss romeo and juliet from year 10)

so .. for now .. study study study!! eww!!!

i was stalking on random peopls'e blog and i found this!!! :) guess everyone needs a smile !! especially me at times like this!!

"that SMILE is always important, no matter where or when we must smile, with sincerity of course. Here is some quotes about smile.

People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile. ~Lee Mildon

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~Phyllis Diller

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. ~Author Unknown

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. ~W.C. Fields

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~Charles Gordy

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, OthelloA

Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day. ~Author Unknown

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

You're never fully dressed without a smile. ~Martin Charnin

Peace begins with a smile. ~Mother Teresa

A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. ~Author Unknown

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. ~Author Unknown"

SPORTS DAY IN THE RAIN

actually .. i think i have problem keeping track of wat i blogged. .cant really remember wat i've blogged about and wat i havent!! >.< short term blogging memory! heheeh .. but ya!! .. have i mentioned tat i met 2 badminton players from malaysian .. and i dint take a photo or their autographs?!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! so dumb!! one of them was lee sumthing :P ..i oni know their faces not their names .. so .. sorry lor .. but i recognised them and he's like freaking tall k!?!! :P fuiyo! .. ya .. i was in a hurry to watch this funk tap dance group performance the other day during the commonwealth holz .. and i met them in the street !!! alex cx and jon were there too!! aikz .. few nitez later when pat told me tat malaysia badminton were so good and stuff like tat i felt like slapping myself for not even bothering to taking a photograph with them!! ish!!! aikz .. so dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aikz! but oh well .. it's not like they're lihom!! if i met lihom on the street .. i would probably dash rite infront of him and hug him mann!! hahaha .. :P (so desperate horh? *bluek* )

but ya .. i've got autograph from the gymnast who competed in the rythmic individuals finals and some photos with them . .but they're not as LL as i tot .. better than me obviously! . haha .. i also met and got autographs from south africa women javelin and discus gold medalist!! woot!! :P haha .. cool horh~! but it's just a fame thing .. not tat i even know them personally! .. aikz ..i was just doing it for the sake of doing it .. i got their signatures on my ticket! so .. ya!! :)

back to sports day! .. it was oni yday tat we farewell our school principal in conjuction with a picnic sports day .. but sadly the melbourne unpredictable weather wasnt really happy with the leaving of our principal as the temperature dropped drasticly during the day .. iakz .. i dint really need my jumper during school and on the field .. it was drizzling and the wind was blowing like ... hmmm ..duno how to describe .. but we were literally shaking and FREEZING our asses off there!! aikz .. it's a crazy melbourne weather here!

i participated in some events... did some novelties events like tunnelball and wheel relay .. which was shit! .. cos we came last in them .. >.< aikz. . nvm .. it was the fun tat counts .. (trying to comfort myself) haha .. then i also did 400m and i came fourth!! :) better than i tot i would do .. hehe. . i tot i would come last ~!! since there were all atheletes runnign that events .. and i kinda proved myself wrong ..so happee!! i gave my best shot .. and aikz .. still couldn't make a third .. nvm ! .. it was GOOD tho!! knowing tat i've got my best shot! haha .. then the most exciting one was the 8x80m .. it was somewat a relay .. at first rosslyn was like rather slow .. coming second last .. but then .. towards the back ..we started to catch up!!! ( i was 2nd last runner k? :P trying to give myself credit! haha ) and mak mak did a fantastic job catching up with them .. all the competitors were so close .. but she won us a 3rd place~!! woo hoo!! my first and oni aths ribbon of the year!! (well .. the school is so stingy .. wouldnt give us medals //...ribbons cheap mar .. so ..ribbon was it! but dun underestimate the value of it! aint easy work!! ) it was really great!! everyone was jumping with joy!!

but i felt so bad after tat cos i promised the house captains to do 1500m .. as a sub.. after i finished the relay .. i was late and the event had already started before i reached the field ..>.< oopz.. sorry laura and brie! (not tat they read my blog) but i was taking my breathe back .. and i dint know tat 1500m was the next event ... i really dun mind subbing in .. but the thing was tat i dint know when it was .. and being a slow poke .. didi dadi .. there goes the gun shot.. aikz ..sorrwwee .... hope they dun mind ..

but overall it was good!! except for the shit weather! hehe .. we huddled around .. and stuff like tat! .. the stupid rain was literally pouring at the last event ...4x100m .. but to give mak the fullest support .. fuiyo! ... mandy and i just stood there and cheered them on!

today .. as a result of sports day ... am now suffering from full body muscle pain>.< cant even walk properly!! hehe!!! but it's a great feeling in me to know tat i'd tried my best and gave all i've got in the field ;) .. i guess i would be even more proud of myself if i did the 1500!!

ohya!! mak n i sorta exchanged dresses at nite and tried on each others' dresses!! hee ! yup@@ formal is coming up and i really want a new dress ..dun like my shit green one tat i wore for prom!! *stupid taylor* ish!! ... if anyone spot a cheap&nice dress.. pls let me know k?? i wanna look good in my final high school formal .. since i cant change my face .. hopefully a nice dress can make up for the yucky fat-ness .. desperately need help from the gals .. ermm .. would really appreciate it if any guys wanna help me out!! hee !!!!! ^.^ thanks!