ok. i hope u dont read this and think that i'm emo. well, after all, its the time of the month for me, and i'm more in touch with my feminine side. but hey! i think i've raised a few good points, read and comment?



i think life is very interesting. i sometimes wonder if we could just erase everything and start afresh on a new canvas.
you know, like how we used to have drawing pad, and when you've started on something and realised that that's not what you imagine, then you tear it away and start again.

i dont think you could ever do that with life.
it would be very painful to tear something off and start anew.

i always think people who are suffering from Alzheimers are one of the saddest group of people. Well, if not they themselves, it would be the people around them, or the people that love them.
I think we all have the desire to love, and be loved back. That's how and why God created us, i think?

Jo, Elwin and I had a good catch up session at The Bee today.

i'm very scared to admit this, I dont think I know how to love anymore.
Jo pointed out in the bible,
1 John 3:14
Anyone who does not love remains in death.

I think part of me is slowly dying within. I think this holiday has showed me how much i've fallen short of God's glory and how much i needed God's grace. I see people and i try to do the right thing. but I think i've become very much task driven and not people driven. Over these few weeks, I've been running around, from places to places, running errands and seeing people. A lot of the time, i am trying to please people.
Please my parents
please my grandma
please my friends
please my relatives
basically, i'm trying so hard to please everyone and i felt like i'm so tired and soo drained. i've relied on my own strength too much and i'm suffocating myself.
and the BIG question that hit me was, have i please God? Is Jesus pleased with me?


I think there's a difference with doing or saying the right thing at the right time, say something because you know it's the right thing to say (out of obligation) and doing something wholeheartedly. It's the same about giving, and the same principle applies to loving. I heard that, you can give without loving but you cant love without giving. Perhaps I havent given for a while. I'm been complaining and being quite negative, and i have to constantly tell myself off and talk to myself. otherwise, i think i'll become someone i totally dislike. being away from God kinda suck. knowing that you're not that much on fire anymore, i reckon is worse than not having Jesus in your life. I guess that's why God hates lukewarm.
sad to admit, i've been living a mediocre, lukewarm life this holiday. (it only hit me yesterday) and i really really hate it. people say hate is a big word. i think i've used it well this time, it really describes how i feel.

Elwin is not a person of big talks. He believes more in action. Jo pointed out again that action means more than words (as cliche as it sounds), it is stated in the bible. ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. I've always said a lot of things but i havent done alot. I always said i wanna change someone's life. have i?
If I were to read what i've written in the past, i'm pretty sure i've said i wanna love people more, i wanna serve, i wanna make an impact, i wanna do something for God. Have I taken any action - is the big question.

My aunty nonchalantly commented that my generation is not as 'durable' as theirs anymore, we get tired easily and we give up relatively fast. when she first said it, i was strongly against it. but now, i think there's some truth in it. we dont fight for what we believe in anymore, not to say, the people we love. it's sad, but give up seems to be the subtle and understandable easy way out for the problems that arise. just sweep it under the carpet. look at our environmental issues, the corruption in our country? what about the fear of rejection or the insecurity? lack of attention?


i guess, ultimately, the question is - are we willing to lay down our lives and pick up the cross?