Stop.

So,
i know i have been busy. ever since august or september, time just seemed to zoooom by and everything seemed to be a blur. Dont get me wrong. It's not that I've been having rough patches all throughout. NOT AT ALL. It's just life gets soo busy, in a good way, and you know the saying, "time flies when you're having fun" yea. That, is I.

I cant believe I am now an official graduate! Results were out and I've ticked all the boxes, passed everything. I can only give God the glory for pulling me through these 4.5 years of uni despite all forms of procrastination, dragging my feet to finish my assignments.

We had a christmas get together with the urbies at my place yesterday. Vitory mentioned that it was only 3 weeks left before we bid 2011 goodbye and welcome 2012. Seriously, where has the year been? I remembered I used to journal heaps and when i look back occassionally, things jolts back to memories. This year, I hadnt been consistent at all. I tried but somehow, only the key turning points of my life are documented, mainly the low parts. Happy days seemed to be taken for granted with just a line or two (but thanks to iphone and instagram, there's still some photos).

I realised that I have been going and doing. These are constant and continuous. There were fun things but I realised that I hadn't stopped for the moment to reflect and as cliche as it sounds, smell the roses. to just stop.
and step back.

Read Wei Xiong's blog yesterday on his post on Doug and Hooch

It really moved me and got me thinking, when was the last time I noticed someone.

I've been trying to get to places in time and looking forward to the thing that I have set out to do and been too fixated. It has been a while since I last pulled out a "go-with-the-flow". Everything has to go according to my iCal and my schedule. Being organised is good but the second half of the year has just been sooo packed with things that it kinda felt that I have taken the wheel and run according to my timeline.

When was the last time I've allowed God to show me something cool and out of the blue?

Perhaps, the final 3 weeks of 2011.

In the midst of seeing and hanging out with all the amazing people that I love in Melbourne before I head home, I'm making room.

I'm making time.

He deserves them.

to keep you entertained, for now

i know i havent been writting. Just a little busy with life - placements, nursing registrations, work, assignments, weddings, rehearsals and travelling.

i am having a fantastic time tho, follow me on instagram (munyeesee) to see my daily adventures :)


for now, check out planetshakers USA tour.

USA TOUR DOCO // PLANETSHAKERS from planetshakers on Vimeo.

Ideas by the heart

out of procrastination, instead of studying, this is what i found!

rather amazing i thought i must share!

Ideas by heart from annika bäckström on Vimeo.

project

there's a few random questions i'd like to go around asking ppl on the street one day. just for the sake of it. you know how there's satorialist and fashion photographer? well, i cant take awesome photos as yet, but one day, perhaps, if i have time and instead of doing my silly research proposal that i'm currently chugging away, this would be my project.

I'd ask [in research terms, survey] people -

when are you truly happy?

what makes you happy?

what is the one thing you miss doing the most?

and then, after listening to their stories, I'd say-

LET'S GO GET MACCAS ICE CREAM CONE.

just because :)

little too much

I'd rather love a little too much x

during the wait at the traffic lights

If you're in Melbourne this week, you would agree that it kinda feel like you're in London. It was gloomy, wet and thunderstorming the whole week. If you want me to put it in one word - Yuck!

So, we were on our way to dinner yesterday. It was still pouring and I was lucky enough to be in a car. I dont know how you feel on a wet day, if you're one of the pedestrian on the road with cars zooming past as you cling on super tightly on your umbrella. The umbrella and the wind always put up a good fight on a wet rainy day. Well, for me, as much as I love the rain, I would just have the destination in my head and focus on getting there. ASAP!

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be picked up in a car to go for dinner. We pulled to a halt at the traffic lights. As the rain hit against the windscreen, and whilst I was waiting for the lights, I tend to look around towards the streets. People watching can be fun! They tell amazing stories without words.

Pedestrian 1

He must have just came out of work, judging from his smart working attire. Power walking, he seemed like he had his mind set on going to where he was heading towards.

15 m ahead of him was a domestic bin that had been pushed out earlier the day for the rubbish collectors. Its lid was opened and collecting rain. Not a pleasant thing to deal with when the rain stops and you're the one collecting the bin. This man came, saw, and just conveniently flicked the lid back on and continued walking towards where he was going.

Pedestrian 2

Random rubbish was clogging the main drainage along the road (yes, melbourne has rubbish floating around too on rainy days). Well, I was at Richmond, that kinda explained the rubbish a little. This man, was casually walking along the street. It was raining, he had an umbrella, but he didnt really use it. He was well groomed and he seemed really happy, there was just a big grin on his face. He came around from the corner, semi tapping his feet. Then, he bent forwards towards the drain.

First thing that came into my head - "DODGY BETUL! What is this guy doing!!!!"

Then, I realised, he was unclogging the drain so that there wouldnt be a mini flood happening on the road.

WOW! Within 2 minutes of waiting at the traffic lights, I've seen such amazing acts. Perhaps, this is really doing good when no one was watching. I guess they were genuinely not expecting in return.

They did it, just because.

Soon enough, the traffic lights turned green.

We drove ahead and continued on. It was still raining, weather was still yuck. But, I knew that the rubbish bin lid was shut and not collecting rain, and the drain had now been unclogged.

I came around the traffic lights, with a big grin on my face, happier than when we first pulled up. It wasnt that anything significant had happened. It was just me knowing and witnessing it for myself, there are still good people around :)

R.I.P.

This week, we said goodbyes to 2 amazing men from our church - Shaun Bergin and Dylan Hall.

Personally, I dont know them. I just know of people who are related to them but they both have definitely touched my heart.

Dylan is 6 years old, brother to Jasmine and Eric. These kids are absolutely fantastic and having them in Planetkids had always been so much fun! I went to Dylan's funeral the other day and I realised these kids are actually WAYYY stronger and bigger in spirit than i could ever imagined. The photos of how they walked along Dylan and loved their little brother despite of his condition really touch my heart. They came to church on Sunday after the funeral. I saw Jasmine lift her hands and still praise God with all her heart. That in itself was beautiful and it was so hard to not move me to tears. The other kids at church were so gorgeous as well. Aimee and Ryan uphold them in prayer and it was evident that the presence of God was so strong when the kids prayed.

I guess, this in itself was a testimony. To see that Jasmine and Eric, despite their pain and questions, still came to church and still worship Our Father, was indeed very moving. And for the other kids, to love them and to pray with them and to support them, just in their actions speak more than 100000 words.

Shaun is a 26 year old footy player. Husband to Jess, son-in-law to Geoff and LeeAnne from planetkids. He suffered from a sporting injury that had left him unconscious (head/spinal cord injury?) and was put on life support. Today, we bid him goodbye after the good fight that he had put on! Perhaps, one can argue, how could this happen? He was so young and everyone prayed, and everyone stood in faith. I guess, with a lot of things, we wouldnt know why God did what He did. And i guess we would never know why God didnt carry out the promises that we once thought we saw, until we reach heaven and finally see things from the eternity point of view and in a wayyy bigger perspective than our human earthly mind could try to percieve right now. But for now, we just need to know that God is still God and He is still good. As Bea said, surely, the greater testimony is yet to happen. Just you wait.

I was on facebook and was just scrolling on all the encouragement, prayers and thoughts that were posted on the Bergins and the Andersons' wall. I love how people stood around each other and encourage them. My heart breaks as i know that they are walking through this grief. Lee Ann and Geoff are such inspirational people in the PK team. But at the same time, it's touching, knowing that in this journey of life, there's all these people that are thinking about you and believing with you through tough times. To cheer you on and to cry with you. To declare God's goodness and the light of hope when it feel like its utter darkness.

I love how love is made real, especially at this time.

To the Halls, Bergins and Andersons,

thank you for showcasing your legends and champions - Dylan and Shaun, to the world. our prayers and thoughts are with you. God is surely working something tremendously good along your way. love you guys heaps!

1 Corinthians 15:54b-55

“Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

i LIKE

sookers had always been rubbing in and saying that i'm getting old. Well, i guess she is PARTIALLY right. I cant freeze time ok? hahaha so it is natural to grow old what!

I sleep early and dont stay up late anymore. 1 o'clock is the latest i am willing to toothpick my eyes open. I dont like going out super late and i rather movies than games!

BUT HEY! I'M STILL COOL AND I STILL LOVE TO HAVE FUN OK!

I rediscovered my passion and joy in meeting new people and having the opportunity to hang out with people i dont usually hang out with / people i dont see so often! It's in doing the little random things like travelling all the way to the city at 730am just for baseball, sleeping in someone's room in between service and dinner, getting shot by millions of paintball and still smile at the end of the day, catching up in the library, watching and cheering on a volleyball game and impromtu outings to jells park.

somewhere, somehow, along the way, i've learnt to prioritise. To put what is closest to your heart first. It is not hard to know who is important in your life cos they'll always be in your thoughts. And, i cant be like superman, fly across to the other side of the earth in 2 mins. I can only do one small thing at a time. As uncool as it sound, i rather turn down an invite to some extravagant party and just snuggle up next to my ex-housie. I guess with growing up, you learnt to appreciate people more, hey?

So, yes. Growing up is inevitable and who says growing up is growing old?!! I still giggle and laugh super loud (and yes, in my amazingly high pitch!) at the silliest of things. But i think after taking in 23 years of oxygen, you realised that little things go long way.

After all, they say best things in life are free anyway! :) and well, I think its ok to slow down as we grow older. (no, i'm not saying the energy of my youth has departed me! NEVER admitting that!!!) But i'm just saying that in slowing down and taking a step back, you will realise that you actually have time to smell the flowers!! Whereas, when you're all hyped and running around heaps, you miss the little things.

i like smelling the flowers.

i like going on food adventures.

and you know what? I actually really like it when it rains and i'm indoor.

i like the sound of rain as it hits the floor or the window.

I like how secured and safe i can be inside the house.

so who cares if i'm growing old and not as exciting as people think i am.

as long as i'm with the people i love, and doing the things that makes my heart go fuzzy, who cares!

i like!

NEW SEASON

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

You know how i was sharing bout new things are yet to come. I think it is here!

I've been meeting and hanging out with people that I usually dont get to as well, it's AWESOMMMEE! yes, it's true. i'm cant live without people. but it's just all so fun and exciting when you finally meet someone(s) new or even learning something new about an old acquaintance! The whole sense of curiousity, forming new friendship and stepping out of your comfort zone thing can actually be quite fun! [yes, i do love it]! And to be honest, it's nice to finally balance the scale of farewell and people leaving me vs making new friends and doing random things!

With camp, discipleship, uni and just this phase of life that i'm in now, it's all so exciting and all so new! God is speaking to me and just leading me to this place of TOTAL and UTTER dependence on Him. It's either ALL or NOTHING. and sometimes, it can be scary.

Through that also, I've learnt to lay my "except" and excuses down. and hey, i still make mistakes! i just made the stupidest one yesterday. (not quite appropriate to share) but i've learnt to deal with it and pick up my feet. Just when you thought, yup, i've got it all and then you find yourself in the most awkward spot!! HAHAHA

I think I sorta know how to leave the things of the past behind and pressing on forward to the goal that Christ has set before me.

At times, I hear His gentle whisper saying, "BE STILL and know that I am HERE".

And at times, I feel His gentle tug, pushing me to LOVE and KEEP LOVING.

Kristal once said this in urban life. She felt as though God is putting a white cloth over the things of the past and made everything white as snow again. What was once darkness, is now brought to light.

Say something nice

Spread some positivity :) and make ppl smile :D

Colossians 3:8-

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Colossians 3

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

I have more than enough.

last night, we had a movie and burrito night at DanT's.

we watched Soul sufer, based on a true story.

these few weeks, I've met lots of people who had shared stories of all the other tough times that they had been through - bad clinical experiences. dealing with relationship difficulties. facing the death of their youngest son.

and, watching this movie, seeing the fighting spirit in this young lady and rethinking about the life that I'm living. I am so very blessed. I have more than enough and I wanna do more with the little bits that I have. I really love how Bethany Hamilton inspires others when she least expect she could. I think it is often a pleasant surprise, when you look down at your own brokenness and wonder what can you possibly offer, and then, see the miraculous and endless possibility at the end of the wave. That's what HOPE is, hey?

To be honest, that movie did not have the best production or any fancy visual or you could even say that the plot is predictable. But I love the fact that it is a true story. A beautiful piece of someone's life. I'm 23 years old and the story of this 13 year old chic from Hawaii really moved me. Makes me question about what am I doing with my life!

I wanna do something. I wanna explore, discover and go on an adventure! There's something within me that is busting to GO but I just dont know what or how to get there. Uncertainties and crossroads are so annoying but I guess that helps in keeping me grounded in some ways and help me to be more logical?

At the moment, I'm just figuring out on what's next and waiting on God. I cant wait to see the connecting dots come together.

So, just you wait and watch this space! I'm pretty sure something exciting is about to happen!!

ps. thank you so much for your prayers. 2 nursing interviews done!

for a change

Quite a few people in uni has had haircuts recently. In their justifications, it is to look better and more professional in our upcoming interviews.

It's scary that our next chapter unfolds so soon. Well, it is already August and we are all nearly done. In LESS THAN 10 WEEKS! OHMYGOODNESS! (ok, i havent even started my first assignment, maybe i should get on to that first! HAHA) but yes, anyway, I joined the trend in uni and went for a haircut myself too! Yea, my fringe was a bit long and it was indeed time for a trim. Umm, well, trim, was sort of an understatement.

I went for a cut. I think I've chopped off more than 15cm of my hair! YUP! just like that, in less than an hour, ALL GONE!

To be honest, I miss my long hair. The moment my hairdresser chopped it, there was this cringe in my heart. I knew I'd regret it! Some people who noticed my short hair said i looked like lok yee. (I DONT WANNA LOOK LIKE HER!!)

but, it is time. to move on.

When I was younger, I used to always cut my hair when I was sad, or felt like I need a lighter head. This time, I need a change. Just because?

I think i still hang my head low and trying to adapt to the new me. Both Sarahs came up to me and said, they really like it and Sarah H actually told me to wear it with confidence.

Dan texted me today from Malaysia with this verse,

Jeremiah 17:7

But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

So, yea! This time, for a change, it is indeed time to walk in the confidence that is in Jesus alone. I kept telling myself to walk and take one step at a time. But really, I'm bored and tired of taking the baby steps. I need to dream and DREAM BIG again. Living a mediocre lifestyle is so draining. Yes, I still have my issues to deal with, but this new haircut is to remind me, to move on and go for it.

These are my nursing interview times for this week. Pray along with me! :)

Monday 3pm Southern Health (Monash Medical Center)

Tuesday 3pm Alfred Hospital

Friday 9am Austin Hospital

OH! something totally random but MADE MY DAY!

one of my kids celebrated her bday and she made some lemon slices for her party. today, she brought them in for me!!! i felt so loved <3

So, my besties flew down from kl to VISIT ME last week! (yes, i tell everyone the reason they are here is to see me, not particularly for holidays, which could possibly be their intention hahaha :p ) it was one of the best week i've had in a long time. i wagged classes, missed out on uni but IT WAS ALL WORTH IT! :) :)

my little white corolla faithfully took us to peninsula, ballarat and daylesford. To all the places that I'd always thought it's nice but never quite had the chance or time to go to.

we had lots of good laugh and it was nice, being sandwiched in love again. weather was cold especially in ballarat, but it was nice and fuzzy for me, from the inside (so cliche i know)

this trip, if anything, has shed me new light and reminded me how much and deeply the people around me and those who are overseas, love and have loved me for who i am. i always knew people cared for me but to have gone through so much, and finally had the epiphany and the revelation that i have people who wont give up on me, was so moving.

to you out there,

thank you for always believing in me. thank you for loving me as i am, and never gives up on me.

There has been so many farewells recently that it's not funny anymore! I'm not made out of a heart of stone (as rach fi would have described it), so, it aint the easiest for me to say goodbye to people.

I realised that when people pack, and if you're lucky (or unlucky?) enough to be there to witness the process, you have the priviledge of seeing bits and pieces of their lives through the little knick-knacks that lie around. I was totally fascinated and being a horder myself, apart from finding everything interesting, i realised that behind the so-called-unneccessary-junk, there's a story of itself.

Over the past few weeks, I had to say goodbye to 2 of my ex-housies, 1 of my urbies and a friend very close to my heart. AND, another one is leaving in few days! (now now, munyee, hold on to your tears! it'll be so embarassing to cry in the com lab!)
and i was talking to my besties back at home over skype and totally broke down. I was suffering from quarter life crisis and asking them the big questions about life, people, career and everything else under the sun.

I guess i was overwhelmed. The thought about people leaving home for good or going to another country for work, yes it is exciting and i am very happy for them, but I think I just need to work on my adaptation skills and be better at getting used to not seeing the familiar faces i used to see every so often. I find it so funny that yesterday, it was su ann who was boarding the flight but she had to check on me and make sure that i'm ok.

but what she said was very true.
If there leaving was nothing to be sad about, or the fact that it doesnt hurt as much, would probably mean there wasnt anything to celebrate in the friendships and bonds made here.

Beat sent me a very encouraging email (which i will share more next time), talking about seasons in life and I realised that I am in this strategic season of redefining myself and who I am in God and where I am to go. Who I was, what I'm going through now will shape who I am yet to become in the future! Being at the point when you are so near (yet so far) to the end of uni, flogged with job applications and asking about what is to happen next and where to go feels like you're juggling with A WHOLE heap of things. but then again, you just need to chill out, lay back and gather you bits and pieces. Having been on placements for the whole while makes me feel so burnt out. But talking to my uni friends again made me realised i'm not the only one going through this silly little quarter life crisis.

Instead, it really got me thinking.


Before Ant left, he gave me this whole heap of craft materials, papers and all things cool. He always believe in the creative side of me. Li Yin gave me some of her clothes and some household goods. It reminds me of the housies time that we shared. And before Su Ann left, she wrote me this letter of how I changed her life by being myself.

Yes, I am at the season of dealing with people leaving my physical circle and searching for directions. It kinda feels like I am in a season of uncertainty but also a season preparation.

So, yes. I have now a few more things in my room. they are not junk and i only hoard things with sentimental values (ie. everything! hahaha) but they do have stories to tell. from a season of someone else's life and now entering to mine.


and yes. i will clean my room tonight!

Happy Ending

I had this song by Mika in my head on the way back from Ballarat post my placements that it is only then that i finally realised that i had been singing to the wrong lyrics ALL THE WHILE! how embarassing!!!!

ORIGINAL LYRICS

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

MUN YEE'S VERSION

This is the way you love me,
I'm not pretending

Full of hope, of love, of glory,
My Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
just us together.

I was singing to it after YEARS only i realised i was singing to the wrong thing!! i was obviously living in my own world for far too long! hahaha still i think i like my version of it better. i didnt know the song was talking about a breakup or the reality of life where there was no happy ending! LIES i tell you. I still believe in happily ever after. I'd still like to live in my cupcake world and yes, dreams do come true :)

2 of my friends just got attached and 1 couple just got engaged!!!! I AM SO EXCITEDDDDD, and i just cant hide it!!!! WOOT WOOT!

prayer request

pls pray for my mummy. one of the blood vessels on her eye clotted and burst and it has now affected her vision. she can still see but it is very blurry. sookers and dad are yet to take her to the specialist and find out more about the diagnosis and what is happening. mummy is saying it's no biggie but it scares the world out of me. i cant imagine life without vision!

so, please pray for my mummy.

yes, i do appreciate prayers asking for healings and speedy recovery.

but i would appreciate prayers that ask God to open her eyes so that she can see Jesus through this time. just like how paul was struck blind by God and completely turned around. I'm believing for that kinda miracle. would you stand in faith and believe with me?

I MISS

youuuuuu! come here quickly already so that i dont waste my time looking at photos or procrastinating when i should be applying for jobs! hahahahha

kids and magic

via Sarah

BEAUTIFUL

hi.

so i have not been blogging for a while. it was for a good reason.

i had been grieving from the inside. for a moment, i thought everything i believed in was wrong, that i couldnt hear from God properly and the lies of the enemies was clouding my head. and everyday, i just live it for that day. things were grey and fighting negative thoughts were such huge challenges. people told me that i'll be ok and i just agreed. i knew i would be but the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so very far away and, the last thing i want, is to let out some of my negative vents on cyberspace (as if we didnt have enough of that already). hence, the lack of blogging. apologise to whoever who still come by. the past month was just pushing myself to go for placements when the only thing i want to do is to curl up in bed and cry. i packed my week with things to do and make sure i spend time with people. i left no time for myself to think and relax. i need to be strong for myself and not get the people around me worried. i just kept telling myself l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n. and pushed myself. i cried and picked myself up and everyday was just looking forward to the end of the day and hopefully i'll sleep things away. i was operating the numb mode.

God is always in the picture. people told me to pray and worship. i did all of that, but God seemed to push me to the deep side, to not look at my own circumstance and even asked me to serve others. i was still operating the "what-about-me?-i'm-hurting-too" mindset. there wasnt any of the cuddle and comfort that i was expecting, like how i knew he would whenever i'm sad. this time, it was just a lot of tough love and mature teaching. He still loves me, i know. otherwise, i wouldnt have made it to today. i am so thankful for the friends that stood alongside of me. it was them, the little victories and little things in my daily life that i knew God is still real. and no matter how much i want to throw in the white towel, the faintest tinge of hope comes in. and last weekend, my life hit the turning point again.

i was in Planetkids camp.

the Friday morning, i knew that my breakthrough would come. i am believing in the kids' breakthrough and i know in seeing theirs, mine would come. even if it didnt, seeing my kids having a touch from God, would be the victory enough to pull me through.

of course, God being God, always surprises us and going above over and beyond.

i didnt really know what happened, but during worship, God's peace and joy just came and fill from within. i cant quite explained it, an exchange happened.

The sorrow, pain and hurt was replaced with joy and peace.

everything was gone. just like that.

it was swift, it was quick and it was gone. i didnt know how or what exactly happened but something happened. God mended my broken heart and restore the joy of salvation in me. i never knew it could happen instantaneously but it did and i am so grateful. i thought the healing process takes a looooong time, but God did it in a moment.

my pain and hurt was real. but God is real in healing me and mending my broken heart too.

i am ready to be back up on my feet again. (sorry it took a while) but i'm sooo happy to say, I am verrryyy happy now.

and when you see me smiling again, be assured that, the smile on my face is genuine, and i'm not pulling a brave face.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

ps. thank you for all the hugs, emails, texts and calls for the past month.

HIMYM

Ted's father says he met Virgina at a bar. Ted asks what happened, they used to be so happy. They realized they were different people. His father is a romantic, while his mother is down to earth. Ted doesn't see why that matters, because him and Robin are like that, and also have different views on children. Virgina continues and says that she didn't even want to date him, but finally gave in after he was badgering her for months. Ted's father says that if they don't connect on so many fundamental levels, then its just a matter of time before they realize they don't belong together.

- How I Met Your Mother, Brunch, Season 2 episode 3 -

somehow, for some unknown reason, i stumbled upon this episode exactly the night before it happened. i pushed it aside, but i guess i was placed in a place to think things through and i was prepared unwillingly, when i thought i could just relax.

3 C's to find the will of God

I was reading Sooker's bible today and this hit me. I have to listen and obey to it myself. Hard for me at times like this and for this to settle in cos some part i can actually picture a once familiar voice saying that, but i know this is good!

Anyway, may it speak to you too.

3 C's to find the will of God.

1) Common sense.

Christianity is a rational faith. God is a logical God. You can use your biblically informed reason to make decisions. Paul used common sense (Acts 15:38)

2) Compulsion

Often God will give inner impressions to follow or not to follow a certain course. This was Paul's experience: "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem." (Acts 20:22)

God will use such methods to lead you as well.

"Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God" - Romans 8:14-

Remember, if you feel led, it's probably God. If you're under pressure, it's probably not God.

3) Contentment

Being in God's will should result in an inner peace in your life (Colossians 3:15)

Shopping spreeeee with the bestie

Today was chadstone VIP. We only found out about it at 7pm tonight.

Jon and I still went anyway. We couldnt resist the Asian side of us, even though we both had nothing we need. I wanted a jacket. He just wanted to get out of studying.

As usual, there's sales and people roaming around. packed. loud music and crowd. you get the picture.

We stopped by Frat House (this random shop that I rarely ever go in) and I ended up buying a sweater). The store was giving some coupon things as well earlier during the day. So, on top of the 30%, if you present with a $5, $10 or $20 voucher that they gave out earlier, you get further reduction. So, yes, paid for mine and continued on.

Jon tried on this blue cashmere top that looked rather good on him. Obviously, cashmere... and it aint the cheapest thing in store. He put it aside. If you know Jon well, when he likes a particular clothing, he thinks about it. a lot.

We left the store and went hunting for my jacket / coat.

When we were at Sportsgirls, Jon came up to me with a big grin on his face and on his hands, he proudly showed me a Frat House $20 discount voucher that appeared out of no where in the completely different store.

Jon: I prayed and asked God if I should buy the top. I said only if I can find a $20 voucher. I was looking very hard in the shop but couldnt find it. and guess what now? Look!

Mun: It's a signnnn! Go get it, Jonny!!

Jon: (dashing towards the exit) I'll call you later.

I love how God is in the big things and also the little things.

I love how God loves us so much that He cares about our daily desires and our desperate needs.

Pretty sure Jon appreciates the top heaps more, knowing that God provided the best deal for him. Bet God reckons Jon looks good in it that's why He allowed him to buy one more top. (You should really check out his wardrobe mann! super banyak baju oh! )

But I love going on shopping with my 2 best friends. They help me with decisions! One is there to physically carry my shopping bags, and the Other is always there with me, keeping me safe and He even provides!

pre-placements!

i start placements tonight.
1st night shift. i dont even know how on earth am i gonna stay awake through the night?!!!

and

can i be really honest?
i am super nervous.
i felt like i've been so out of the routine of going into the hospital.
i'm so scared that i have a scary fiery preceptor.

but, i'm gathering prayers and believing that it will be ok.
it will be more than ok.
I am called to make a change and to bring light.


Numbers 23:19

God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?

our immune system

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!

something my lecturer shared today. our body is so persistent! :)

Honour

Last night was absolutely amazing. Not because people said nice things about me, but because I have finally experienced it for myself what Ps Russell said about honour.

When you honour somebody, you release the supernatural miracle working power.

Yesterday marks the last day of me being an ULU 13 member. It's an emotional journey, really. I've been there for nearly 5 + years now. I've seen people come and go, and now, it's my turn to leave. Well, one relievin thing was that I'm not going overseas (as yet) or changing church or something relatively long term. I'm just changing to the Burwood Urban Life. I'll still see people at church on Sundays and it's not like it's a farewell thing! (as you would have known, I suck at saying goodbye)

This UL has indeed come a long way and it is definitely my honour to be able to go knowing that I have made a change. At the beginning of the year, I stood back and saw the potential that was in the group. I knew the credit wasnt mine to take and definitely, all glory to God! But it's just so beautiful to see all these amazing people growing and stepping into the greater. We have indeed shared some amazing journey. And that's the beauty of family I guess, you don t need to see each other heaps and you don't need to constantly hang out. Yet, you know that they are never too far away.

Well, family being family, I couldn't help but to laugh at the things they described or told me yday
"Munyee is like the energizer bunny, she never runs flat"

"She goes to Chadstone VIP to shop for others, she needs to be commended for that" - in all seriousness, I was just trying to buy the best present at the best price. Not so commendable as you guys think la!

"She is like the social butterfly, if ppl ask you which urban life you go to and they give you a confused look after you said jon Ngan, just say Munyee and they will all go 'oohhhh'! Hahhahha"

And of course, there are a lot more of honoring words that came out of my Urbies and I know it is supernaturally changing me from the inside. You know some words, you hear and it comes out the other ear, these weren't one of those. Not because they were flattering but because, God clicked something in me. I didn't go all mushy and airy fairy as I usually would when ppl compliment me.
This time, it felt different. I myself was encouraged! (I reckon this was the time when myself in the past has encouraged myself now in the present). I never knew that little post-its notes go such a long way and random acts of kindness that I totally don't remember make such huge differences. A lot of times, I thought to myself, those mere thoughts were just good ideas and nice things to do. I love doing them anyway but now, to really hear that those weren't labour in vain and they were seeds planted to brighten someone's day, totally made it worthwhile. I'll do them all over again.

Of course, it's not all about me having done this and leaving such a legacy behind, but honoring and being the one that ppl honored last night taught me something. The mundane things that you do all the time, the things that you once caved into thinking that it's nothing and it doesn't matter to anyone, God sees them and God uses the littlest of all. Just as long as you put them under His feet.

I love what Pearly said, "you have been such a blessing to many of us here. Perhaps it is time for you to bless other ppl in the other group. We have all received so much from you, it is time for you to bless others."
Wow.
What a powerful releasing statement with a commission! I was just gonna go to the other group. But she has empowered me to bring the change and the gifts I can offer into the group.

ULU 13, thank you for the amazing journey we shared. This is definitely not farewell, so make sure you do keep me posted with whatever that is happening!



And Burwood UL, HELLO! :)



Numbers 18:29
Be sure to give to the Lord the best portions of the gifts given to you.

Graduate Nurse Program

it's International Nurses Day tmr, and hence, there's lots of things happening in uni and outside of uni revolving the nursing career.

And, it's also the time of the year where hospitals are recruiting and now, my turn to apply for a position as a graduate nurse has finally arrived! I am SOOOOOO nervous!!

Here are some links of the hospitals and programs that interests me. Who knows, next year, you may find me working there! Have a click and tell me what you reckon? (you dont have to, but it'll be nice and i will greatly appreciate some feedback?)

Southern Health

Austin Health

Alfred Health

Royal Melbourne Hospital

?

just came out of the nursing grad info session.
so many hospitals. so many hospitals, so many options!!!

I have decided to give paramedics a break for next year. wont be applying for that based on the many conspiracy and the fact that we have to work in a rural setting to start off with. so, i'm sticking to nursing.
(and i love nursing anyway)

but the question now is - where and what?!!!

I'm in love with reading Numbers

did you know?

in numbers, after Miriam and Aaron backstabbed Moses, Miriam had leprosy. She prolly looked super unglam and ugly, judging by the way that Aaron, her husband pleaded Moses to interceed on their behalf.

I wonder why Aaron, who was the man, didnt get punished by God for being part of the gossipping?

But, I was more blown away by the fact that, the whole Israelite camp had to stop stationary in one place for 7 days, while waiting for Miriam to be healed.

It blew my mind, knowing that even after you've made mistakes, God waits for you to come clean and come back to the camp, before He allows everyone else to move ahead.

He never leaves one behind.

Forgiveness

btw, I LOVE JELLY TELLY!!!!!!!

BUT ..

sorry for not blogging for the past week, as promised. I think it took a lot more commitment than I first thought to write everyday. Hats off to those who does.

I was away for easter. Went home to the beautiful land of Malaysia to celebrate my Grandmama's bday. I will stick some photos up soon. Sookers took some really nice ones. Well, she better! She full on hog the phone charger and left my phone battery went flat through the night.
It was an utter short trip. Dash in and wheeze out. Super quick. but it was still lovely nonetheless. I never knew I had so many relatives and I guess family time is always good times :)

Anyway, I have been thinking about this word - BUT..
I think "but" is a powerful word in itself. I wont dictionary define it, pretty sure you know what it means and how it's used. That word changes your direction of speech and somehow presents a twist to what the listener / reader percieves.

There can be so many heartsinking moments coming out this word-
I think you're great , but ....
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, but ..

BUT ..
I think we can have a choice in the way we wanna percieve things and send the message across. I saw some tweet this the other day.

The painful thing you can hear is 'I love you, but ... '
The most beautiful thing you can hear is ' ... but I love you'

I know it's probably not the easiest to do the beautiful thing. And to be honest, in the world we live in now, I reckon we hear the first one more than the latter.
I wanna be able to look someone in the eye and be genuinely interested in them.
I wanna look past all the faults and weaknesses in people and see the beauty that God has placed in each and every single one of us (myself included).

I think, it is important to take ourselves back to this verse again and really, see how powerful the word "BUT" is.

John 3:16
¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Numbers

I've been reading the chapter Numbers in the bible. Yes, there are lots of numbers and the things that were written were exact to the dot, for example, when a census was taken, they actually write down how many people they counted.

I was really fascinated at how the different clans have a different job scope. The Levites were to enter into the tent and the Kohathites were only to carry the holy things and not look at them at all. This other clan were to carry the curtains and this other one were to carry the tents and the gears.

To each, there was a specific job description.

Numbers 4:49a
At the Lord's commandment through Moses, each was assigned his work and told what to carry.

I just watched Never Let Me Go

It is a beautiful but sad movie. (spoiler alert) People were created just for the sake of organ donation. They were created to die. There were no other means of escape, no deferrals, no excuses and no time to experience true love. Their sole purpose was to extend the life of this other person whom they have never met. They "complete" when there has been so many organs that are taken out that they practically cant survive anymore.

As graduation is approaching, uni has been organising lots of careers related talks with us, and in guiding us on making our choices for next year. I am truly one step closer to working in the healthcare world. But the big question is, where to go and what's next?

It's scary, not just because we are next in line to step out of uni and into the working world.
It's scary, cos it is time to carry the load of the society.
It's scary because I am going to be walking in my destiny.

Vision

without vision, men perish.

It's strange how i get a word for the day and as i ponder upon it, it unveil more things but along with it, come more question marks floating on my head. hmmm?

in Planetshakers conference, ps Jentezen spoke about the importance of visions and dreams. he shared of this beautiful story of having a purpose drives you to live a life.

There was this 16 year old girl. She's had enough of life. Depressed and hopeless, she decided that this is it. She headed off to a bridge and decided to jump off the bridge and put an end to her life.
She headed up, took a big dive and farewelled the world.
Not knowing to her, there was this man, fishing by the bridge, not too far away from her. He witnessed all of that and when she jumped, he instinctively dived in to save her too!
It was a gut driven response and he didnt give much to it. He swam a little bit towards her, in the attempt of saving her. Yet, soon enough, it occured to him that, HE DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SWIM and he started drowning.
He paddled and called for help. Funny thing was, the girl who wanted to commit suicide, actually knew how to swim. (I can so imagine her face at this stage, hahhaa)
The story ended with her saving his life instead of she committing suicide. The papers came up with the headline - Saved by a Purpose.


So, i guess, the question to myself is, what do i see that drives me in achieving that purpose?
what about you?

Specific

Let's be specific.

Chinese song?

Yes, I am still very chinese deep down inside.

This is for my chinese / canto speaking friends and family :)

The words are beautiful. It's prolly your loss if you couldnt understand.



As Easter comes closer, I am constantly reminded of the love that God has for us , for me!

1 John 3:16

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

Welcome to Holland

this video was showed in one of my lectures. so truly inspiring (you may need to turn the volume up to hear the words)

It's such a great blessing waking up and knowing that you are loved.

coincidence?

2 Tim 1:6 For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying of my hands. SURELY, it isn't a coincidence that this verse came to me, and we are talking bout gifts in discipleship tonight and Planetkids on Sunday. 3 hit in one go! I am SOOOOO excited about what God is going to do tonight and the next coming week! Stay tuned for more testimonies. I have one pretty amazing one already. Sarah sprained her ankle on Sunday. Read more here. and after being prayed for by Elijah Newton (8 years old), today, she is pain free, walking and jumping, not to mention a big smile on her face! If you think i'm always just talks about this God who is all just airy-fairy and not relevant, think again.

a verse a day

I think from today onwards, I want to commit to posting up a verse a day (or an interesting quote or smtg inspiring). We, as children leaders encourage the kids to memorise a verse a week. So, I think, it should start with us setting the example.

And this can be quite challenging for me. I am not very good with remembering things or memorising things. But may this be the start to growing deeper in the word of God and may it encourage you! (it also helps to keep my blog alive! hehehe)



1 Tim 6 : 11 b
Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

little treasures

Sitting in the library and having random conversations with God this lunch reminded me how the beauty of random surprises and the joy of discovering treasures along your way.

Back in high school, in the boarding house, we used to drop each other lil post-its on doors, desks and even on snacks and dinner plates. It could be a reminder to collect your laundry, homework due the next day, you had a phonecall when you had sports in the arvo or sweet notes from someone saying that you're in their thoughts.

I was very inspired after reading this by Color me Katie. It's seemed like a whole deal of fun :) and it's not hard to make someone's day.

So, look around, maybe there's a little note for you, somewhere :)


Look, if nothing else, it's always great when someone tells you they love you - Ross Geller, Friends-

This is my God

<sup>Psalm 103

1</sup> Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶ The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
²¹ Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
²² Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD, my soul.

Complacent vs Contented

Planetshakers conference is coming up in 15 days!! (if you have yet to register, go to the website and do it!!!! IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE)

I have always learnt to set expectation and to believe for BIG and greater things. God is faithful and He will always come through. I have personal encounters and experiences of my own. A lot of my life changing moments come from me taking a small step of faith and God invading my natural senses. Positioning yourself in the environment to receive is the first step, so sign up!

So, yesterday, jon and i were talking about conference and what do we expect. I was very honest and I admitted that I dont know what to expect. I refused to admit that I was indecisive hence not knowing what I want. In my own words, I said, "I was afraid that I'm being too complacent and not asking God for more." but in actual fact, I want more. I just dont know what "more" can i ask from God.
Jon said I wasnt being complacent, I was being contented.
That, somehow, struck a chord in me.

Life has been slowly climbing back upwards again. I have been blessed tremendously and abundantly beyond my expectations. Life is cruising and it is good. I can say, I have all the materialistic things that I need and I am very comfortable this stage.
But spiritually, I know I can never have enough, but the question is, what can i never have enough of?

Yes, I understand that we can never have enough of God and we should press in for more of Him. but i think, I have fallen into the trap of chasing after the gifts and the outworks of His Spirit instead of the One who gives. I know how God wants to use me and God gives me these gifts to serve Him and the people around Him. But you know, if you're not close enough or sensitive enough to Him, these gifts are of no use. Who can you encourage, and what do you say even if you wanna encourage them? These little things seemed so hard when you're striving on your own strength and just wanting to work it by your own ability.
There's no power behind it.
God is not in it.

Yes, a lot of times, I believe. I believe when we pray for healing.
I believe when we ask God for breakthrough.
Dangerously, I think I have fallen into the trap that it's about me- I believe, I pray, I stepped out. I've tried and why has it not happened? and why isnt the people around me saved yet!



Holy Spirit reminded me gently today,
"Mun Yee, it's not about you and your own strength. It's ME, working through you."

and so, today, I've learnt to put things back into perspective again. It's

GOD, I believe.
GOD, I know you will come through.
GOD, work in me.


James 5: 11
As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

Thank God for creative people!

Sarah helped me re-do this layout :) yay!!! It's nice yes?

Yay to friends who are creative. They come up with such beautiful things that keep me entertained all the time. And by creative, it doesnt have to mean that they design pretty things or take amazing photos. I think words can be very powerful and takes you to places that visual can only do so much?

Check them out and be wow-ed :)

Jon
Dave (and Li)
Ant
Sarah
Rachel
Iris (she doesnt know I read her blog :p ) and chek out her love for bikes here too

PCR calls

This week, I made a couple of phonecalls to the kids in my podgroup. Being back in Planetkids gave me the biggest honour to connect with the little champions of this generation.

The other day, I was on the phone with Emily and was trying to get to know her better.

Mun : So, what do you like to do? (thinking that it would be either sports or craft)
Em : I like to swim (she just won a couple of swimming competition that day)
Em : and I looooveee to pray

wow! how beautiful is that?!

After that, I called another girl, from the total opposite side of town, Tabitha.

Mun : How's your day, Tabitha?
Tabi: Good, thanks! We won the baseball game today! (she sounded real happy and pleased)
Mun : Great work!! Do you like playing baseball?
Tabi : Yes I do. But I like praying and reading the bible more!

OH MY GOODNESS. what amazing kids i have! They are such legends. God has truly placed something so precious to Him into my care and I am sooo excited for this year. I know that it is gonna get better and better!

Little things I thank God for

This week thus far, has been super amazingly good for me!

My dad flew over from K.L. and brought us the good news that he is definitely buying us a car! (yay!!!) It hit me the other day that, it is such a big blessing that I am actually given a car. I always wanted a car, I think ever since I could drive. But then, financially, I could only afford an older, probably unsafe car based on my own ability. There has been lots of petition to both my biological father and my Father in heaven for a car. And, the process took REAAALLLY long, but i know it is coming! and the fact that I am given one, reminds me that I am well looked after and I should never take these things as though I deserve it. I am truly very grateful.

This week, I was taken out to amazing dinners too!
from Hu Tong dumplings and Tao's beautifully plated set dinner to Queensberry salmon, oh my. I think I ate too much for my own good. my tummy was surely very happy.

and yesterday night, Sookers told me that I have a surprise at home. It was a bouquet of flowers delivered to my door. Attached was a note from Hhams that made me felt evermore so loved.

I've had the best surprise under fairy lights too. The night was just too beautiful and my iPhone wouldnt do it any justice.

God has been so good to me. As I think of his goodness, I am marveled and feel so precious. <3

Psalm 103:7

I will tell of the kindnesses of the LORD,
the deeds for which he is to be praised,
according to all the LORD has done for us—
yes, the many good things
he has done for Israel,
according to his compassion and many kindnesses.

the NEW has come

It may sound a little slow and late, but going back into Uni again sorta gives me this feeling as though the year has just begun. We all know that it is now March! (OHMYGOODNESS!)

Indeed, the new has come.

We are no longer living in 1 Prince St. I am now an official Glennie!
Living at home with my sisters only, without our parents does indeed feel weird. I have now resume a lot more responsibilities - from getting us connected to the internet to making sure that there's groceries in the pantry and getting everyone fed, they are not on my official lists but obviously, I do need to think about them. I even have to sign my sister's excursion forms and permission slips! Yikes! Hello to growing up hey?

This semester, even though I only have 2 official days.Yet, with work, I have to leave home at 6.40am and coming home only at about 5 or 7. If I'm lucky, 3pm. Traveling to and from Uni is quite a killer but oh wells. I guess I can still cope with quite bit of that. I just dont like the fact that by the time I get home, it's late and I am only left with 3 hours to spent with people / family before my body gives away. I am slowly adapting to this new change, I hope.

Still, I am really excited (and nervous).
Final year has presented its scary part - job search and interview. Along with it, I am placed to think about the future.
Where do I see myself? Where and what has God called me to do? How am I going to support myself? and who will be in the picture?

Psalm 139:16
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

What do you see in the mirror?

Coming back to melbourne wasnt as easy as I thought. Yes, I was looking forward to coming back to my comfort zone and my home but i didnt know resettling in was a bit of some hiccup. the new house was packed with boxes, i have 4 days of waking up at 6 to go for my 9am classes, being in a new suburb means friends arent as close as they used to be, housemates are all now my sisters, etc. indeed, some adjustments were required. And to be honest, spiritually, i needed to pick myself up again. I wasnt at the place where I know i needed to be but i reckon, the best bday gift is to know, and to be surrounded by people who can help you back in this race.

I have forgotten how much I am loved.

Today, i stood in front of the mirror, drying my hair and this question came upon me - what do you see in the mirror?

I used to not care so much about the physical appearance, or how i present myself. I am a strong believer of this saying - beauty lies within. Yet, seeing the people around me are gradually metamorphosing into someone super hot that even I cant help to not take my eyes off, the way i see myself was affected. I started to see the flaws and what i did not have. I tried to see what others see in me and find it hard to believe that there is actually beauty in me. It was easy to feed on your self pity and insecurity when you're not holding on to the picture that God draws of you.

Ai ling sent me these 2 videos from Veggietales. Super cute but super appropriate for all ages!





so, what do you see in the mirror?

may you hold close to the picture of what God draw of you, rather than carrying painting that were meant to be in your bag pack.

tell yourself, "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

so, as I stepped back and looked at the mirror again, I see a mighty woman of God, a future of divine possibilities, and rivers of living water. Above all, I see the hand that is on my shoulder, cheering me on and patting me with love.

If only i could let my tears, emotions, love and passion run wild again.

Searching and Finding

I just came home from my 7am breakfast catch up with my best friend.

On the way back, i couldnt stop but to ponder on the thought that A LOT of the people on earth are searching.
Yes, WE, are all searching for something.

I just realised that there's this Stats function in your blog page that tells you about the traffic flow of my blog (Yes, i'm a bit slow, just a tad bit, ok?) I havent been blogging much and I was quite shocked at the fact that people still come and check this page out. I dont think it would be worth people's time and yet, i was surpised at what I saw.

It wasnt the fact that my friends still pop by that shock me. It was the fact that people came through google.
Some while back, i think i posted a song about God's amazing grace- "I'm so not worthy but still you love me" and that was one of the hit that google led people here. Yup, thanks google.

It reminded me that people are searching for love. There's a void in all of us. We are always searching for something, dont you reckon? Yesterday's movie with the lims paints a good illustration. Faster, by the Rock. He was looking for revenge, the other guy was searching for adventure and thrill; the cop was searching for truth, the other was looking for a new life. See, everyone was searching for some form of answer that we have in our head. Or to answer a need, or perhaps, someone to love and someone who loves you back.

Not to sound arrogant, i think i've been very blessed and a lot of the times, i always get what i want, or sometimes, even more than what i expected. that's not because of how wealthy my parents are, or how spoilt i am, it's because of the greatness of my Jesus. Su Ann pointed out yesterday, I seemed to have things falling into my lap when i need them. I am indeed so blessed, and I dont wanna take it for granted or sound like a brat. but indeed, I have a heavenly Father who loves me and listens to my needs. House near the school zone, furnitures, rides to places, financial provision and most importantly, a group of people who i love and love me.

Technically, i have it all, but yet, being human, I am still searching for MORE. There's always a desire for something better, materialistically, emotionally and spiritually. Hence, the void is filled and very quickly empty again.
I guess, that's when the lies of the enemy come in. Are you really satisfied? Do you really think that's good enough? You deserve better.. blah blah blah. and you make an unfair trade.
you (i'm speaking to myself too) entertain negative thoughts and think things unworthy of your time. Then you worry and lost your joy. From there onwards, it's a downwards spiral unless you realise and actively puts a stop to it.

I guess, we all have to realise that it's ok to search for something better (there's when improvement comes in?) but i think there's a difference with searching aimlessly like a headless chook and finding for something. When you look for something, do you have the hope that you will find? Or are you just looking, because you know if you didnt try, you wont be at ease but you're not searching whole heartedly? I wonder how God searches our heart? I wonder what is was like when the shepherd went and look for the 1 lost sheep and leaving the herd of 99? I'm wondering what the person on the other side felt when he/she was feeling when he/she google - "i'm so unworthy"?

You know, when you type in something in google, and hit the search button, you expect results to answer your search, right?

I pray that you find what you're looking for. I pray that you find and see God's goodness in the process of looking for the things your heart yearns for.

Matt 7:7
Seek and you will find.

ok. i hope u dont read this and think that i'm emo. well, after all, its the time of the month for me, and i'm more in touch with my feminine side. but hey! i think i've raised a few good points, read and comment?



i think life is very interesting. i sometimes wonder if we could just erase everything and start afresh on a new canvas.
you know, like how we used to have drawing pad, and when you've started on something and realised that that's not what you imagine, then you tear it away and start again.

i dont think you could ever do that with life.
it would be very painful to tear something off and start anew.

i always think people who are suffering from Alzheimers are one of the saddest group of people. Well, if not they themselves, it would be the people around them, or the people that love them.
I think we all have the desire to love, and be loved back. That's how and why God created us, i think?

Jo, Elwin and I had a good catch up session at The Bee today.

i'm very scared to admit this, I dont think I know how to love anymore.
Jo pointed out in the bible,
1 John 3:14
Anyone who does not love remains in death.

I think part of me is slowly dying within. I think this holiday has showed me how much i've fallen short of God's glory and how much i needed God's grace. I see people and i try to do the right thing. but I think i've become very much task driven and not people driven. Over these few weeks, I've been running around, from places to places, running errands and seeing people. A lot of the time, i am trying to please people.
Please my parents
please my grandma
please my friends
please my relatives
basically, i'm trying so hard to please everyone and i felt like i'm so tired and soo drained. i've relied on my own strength too much and i'm suffocating myself.
and the BIG question that hit me was, have i please God? Is Jesus pleased with me?


I think there's a difference with doing or saying the right thing at the right time, say something because you know it's the right thing to say (out of obligation) and doing something wholeheartedly. It's the same about giving, and the same principle applies to loving. I heard that, you can give without loving but you cant love without giving. Perhaps I havent given for a while. I'm been complaining and being quite negative, and i have to constantly tell myself off and talk to myself. otherwise, i think i'll become someone i totally dislike. being away from God kinda suck. knowing that you're not that much on fire anymore, i reckon is worse than not having Jesus in your life. I guess that's why God hates lukewarm.
sad to admit, i've been living a mediocre, lukewarm life this holiday. (it only hit me yesterday) and i really really hate it. people say hate is a big word. i think i've used it well this time, it really describes how i feel.

Elwin is not a person of big talks. He believes more in action. Jo pointed out again that action means more than words (as cliche as it sounds), it is stated in the bible. ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. I've always said a lot of things but i havent done alot. I always said i wanna change someone's life. have i?
If I were to read what i've written in the past, i'm pretty sure i've said i wanna love people more, i wanna serve, i wanna make an impact, i wanna do something for God. Have I taken any action - is the big question.

My aunty nonchalantly commented that my generation is not as 'durable' as theirs anymore, we get tired easily and we give up relatively fast. when she first said it, i was strongly against it. but now, i think there's some truth in it. we dont fight for what we believe in anymore, not to say, the people we love. it's sad, but give up seems to be the subtle and understandable easy way out for the problems that arise. just sweep it under the carpet. look at our environmental issues, the corruption in our country? what about the fear of rejection or the insecurity? lack of attention?


i guess, ultimately, the question is - are we willing to lay down our lives and pick up the cross?