FIRST FEW DAYS AT SCHOOL
exciting?

well .. upon my first return i was asked to give a speech as the "boading hse captain" .. (well .. i dun really need the ".. " i am the captain .. :P just wanna emphasize it to note the sarcasm! ) it was in the formal boarders parents assosiation .. imagine me .. jet lagged .. so lost and the i-so-dun-belong-in the meeting feel.. but then i dun have a choice (sux! wanted to give some lame reason but then i failed) so.. i gave a super crappy .. childish speech >.< but ya .. tat's not the main point ... after tat//i had to sit down rite in front of every parent.. and listen to the boring speech that the chairman is giving .. at this moment .. crap! .. i was like doozing off in front of everyone!! literally fishing with my head mann >.< gosh!! ..so embarassing that even the new head of boarding - the curtis noticed .. but they were very very friendly ppl :) and they asked me to get some rest!! ..something which i really appreciate!! :P

aikz ... yr 12 this year .. means tat no more foolin around and no more seniors to look after me but instead i have to take up the role of look after everyone ..well .. not literally everyone but .. the more the better...

BAD SISTER
well ... i've been thinking yday .. mayb i think too much .. i felt tat i'm such a bad sister .. i dint really look after my sister even though i've been here for about 4 days?? ish~!! i'm such a shittty sister!! .. i want her to mix around her frens ..and learn to be more independent .. and i also dun want her to live under my shadow... i'm not too sure whether has she ever felt frustrated that everyone has been saying tat we looked really alike~ .. but ya .. i felt tat she needs to create her own impression and image.. not always by the name of "munyee's sis" .. well .. she dint say tat she minds .. but imagine myself alawys living under my cousin's name! .. crap .. ish!! .. all the expectations and everything!! duno! .. aikz .. the saddening part is tat we dun live under the same roof anymore!! nevertheless in a same room .. i felt so weird!! she had always been with me at home when i went back .. we ALWAYS sleep together!! .. this time .. with an empty table and bed in my room and no one's occupying it .. it just feel so so WEIRD!! .. aikz .. i just felt tat i'm not doing wat a sister should have done @@!! .. i was had been trying to do more and to make her settle down .. i duno .. she dint complain .. but through my own eyes .. and at nite when it's all quiet and dark .. i reflect upon myself .. i secretly cry and think that i ought to do better .. how?? i duno!

BAD CAPTAIN
hey guys!! ..welcome and meet ur new crappy captain who never fails to come up with more trouble! .. >.< aikz .. i duno .. i just feel so shit~ .. i feel tat i;m not doing my job well enough and i dun think if i put in everything i have. . i dun think i'll be able to balance my time and my studies.. i'm so selfish! .. i know .. i just felt tat things are all piling up and i dun have time to sort them out!! ... aikz .. with boarders weekedn around the corner .. and all the annual events coming up .. we need to settle things and stuff! aikz .. duno! ..see how lar! >.< this coming weekend is a closed weekend with heaps of ice breaking and activities to organise .. duno how is it gonna be like .. and with the new head of boarding. .. who seem so lost at everything isnt somehting to be relieve off.. even though we can take advantage of tat! .. but then ya.. i just felt tat things may not turn out well .. aikz .. how??!! when complaints are always round the corner and no one else seems to care but me .. when it's responsibilities tracking time .. fingers at me.. aikz .. how??? or maybe i think too much ??? would things really turn out fine when the time arises ??? I WISH!! >.<

BAD STUDENT
ish~!!!! i cant believe tat i'm actually falling asleep in so many classes!! Maths Methods(MM) .. bio and even chem!!!!aikz .. it's oni like the first few lesson of the year! .. everyone is supposedly to be really hyped up and enthusiastic about it .. me??? doozing off at the corner??~!! wat the beep???? gosh!! i DID try.. with every possible way .. aikz .. i need ady;s special way of keeping me awake .. painful .. but then .. no other choice~ ... ady!! u should come here with me and make sure tat i do stay awake~!! >.< homework.. fuiyo!! .. heapz mann .. not to mention tat i havent completed the holz hw !! .. due to bhse business .. i dint even had time to finally sit down to do my work .. yday ..when i was about to do tat ... mum called ... i was talking to her and tears wouldnt stop flowing!!! .. i tried to make them stay in my eyes.. but they were just too nnotty !! .. :( i miss being at home .. and being pampered and doing nothing .. but i told myself tat i need to buckle up .. i cannot afford to disappoint the ppl who have faith in me .. esp my beloved darling., parents!! BUCKLE UP MUN YEE!!!!!

well ... i guess .. sometimes i may sink into depression and pessimism .. i just cant find any strength or believe in myself tat i could take the next step .. but it's always comforting to recieve sms or calls .. and even email of encouragement to cheer me up!! *hint hint* .. haha ..serious/?! u'll be amazed at the motivation behind the sms-es u sent~!! .. in wat i emailed han .. last year's international magazine was out .. and their theme was "wat really matters is knowing tat someone takes a look through the window" .. welll .. for me .. wat really matters is tat knowing tat someone cares and when i look deep inside their heart .. i can see me~ :) haha .. i dun have to be big .. :P .. aikz .. duno .. stressed out!!! i tot i wont be .. i tot i would be fine .. but it appears tat i'm not.. and sometimes .. inevitably.. loneliness does creeps in and plays a black joke on me .. i hate it! ..especially when i had a big single room with 2 beds and tables to myself~!!! all i can do is nothing... it sounds really pathetic eh??? power ..knowledge and responsibilities ... can be turned into pressure and choke me till i cant think! .. aikz .. but i'm still thankful of wat i have now .. i'm glad tat i still have frens and family to encourage me ..
power and authority??... are nothing ... turn it into love (trying really hard!! the new girls are so patronising!! i;m not the one who's not trying to be friendly k?? they are!!! terrible~!! )
knowledge ... studying aimlessly and with high expectation can kill me!!! yet someone told me tat it can be fun .. see it as an enjoyment
responsibilitiies??!! hate it .. but know tat it's the essence of growing up~!

munyee~!! grow up!! u're 18 soon!! stop thinking tat u're still a kid!!! tat's life~!!