STuFFED up 2 out of 3 TESTS ..
how bad can it be?

well .. guess i'm completely ok and learning to get over the fact tat life is full of "people running to meet each other .. with their hands open ... but their purpose is wrong .. they meet and continue to run.. passing each other" (i'm quoting from my english text book , Accidental Tourist, from last semester ) hehe :P ya .. i guess .. people do run to meet each other .. well ... i;m fortunate enough tat i havent met anyone who has a fault purpose :P .. but then .. i guess what "purpose" meant in the text is tat the view of life is different .. ok .. shall not discuss about my boring book .. i hate it anywayz .. but i couldnt stop getting pissed at myself for just simply being the dumbest gal in the school~!!!! god~!! why are they so smart??

as most of u might have known .. i've got 3 tests this week ... 2 maths application task (damn complicated maths question phrased in words not maths equations) and one chinese oral sac (school assessment course) . .. well .. i admit tat i wasnt really prepared for maths cos i've got chinese sac .. as it is more important .. but then the fact tat i screwed up chinese sac made me felt so useless and so stupid .. all the effort were all wasted ~!! >.< i hate it !! i hate it !! i hate it!!!

i had spent nights and nights trying real hard to memorise my chinese sac shit .. and i really made the effort cos ii wanna do well in it .. yesterday ..when i was standing outside the door .. i still fell alrite ..as in still had all the shit in my head .. feeling alrite confident but still slightly nervous .. .. then .. as i enter .. my blood was pumping ..and for no reasons .. i start to freak out ..i duno y but i was real nervous!!!! gosh~!!! she is my teacher and i'd seen her so many times .. but i was still nervous~!! why though??? worse thing was tat i went blank .. not knowing how to speak up my words .. i had the image of the info in my head tat i memorised .. but words just dun seemed to come out of my mouth .. grr~!! why though ??? i was trying to focus and kept telling myself tat i can do it .. i can i can .. but it dint really work .. i was stiill nervous .. i stuttered .. i went ermm .. as if i have some speech problem ..and all of those yucky ggross shit had been recorded and will be sent out to assess if needed ... gross!!! how could i just do tat though?? stumbled over my speech .. went blank and wat else could go wrong? >.< the annoyin bit was tat when i was outside the room . i was completely fine~!! nothing like wat i was when i was inside ...

the effort i took to prepare it now .. it simply seems to be tedious! .. i slept at 1 . waking up at 5 for 2 continuous nights to prepare it .. and on the very day itself i had badminton training .. tat i tried to wake up earlier to go through it .. (but i couldnt :P) all the initiatives seemed so much like a wasted effort~!! >< hate myself for being so dumb ..

and just then .. maths application task .. left out one page completely blank! ... i had no time becos the previous questions i was making dumb mistakes!! and the question was worth 13 marks!! gosh . .. another screwed up test again~! arrrgggghhhh!!!
i feel like slapping myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aikz .. have to pull myself together .. it's oni 2 freaking dumb tests! who cares! yet inside myself .. i do care!!!!!!!! >.< so contradictory eh?

i'm fine .. just a bit frustrated at myself .. but i'm fine ..