little too much

I'd rather love a little too much x

during the wait at the traffic lights

If you're in Melbourne this week, you would agree that it kinda feel like you're in London. It was gloomy, wet and thunderstorming the whole week. If you want me to put it in one word - Yuck!

So, we were on our way to dinner yesterday. It was still pouring and I was lucky enough to be in a car. I dont know how you feel on a wet day, if you're one of the pedestrian on the road with cars zooming past as you cling on super tightly on your umbrella. The umbrella and the wind always put up a good fight on a wet rainy day. Well, for me, as much as I love the rain, I would just have the destination in my head and focus on getting there. ASAP!

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be picked up in a car to go for dinner. We pulled to a halt at the traffic lights. As the rain hit against the windscreen, and whilst I was waiting for the lights, I tend to look around towards the streets. People watching can be fun! They tell amazing stories without words.

Pedestrian 1

He must have just came out of work, judging from his smart working attire. Power walking, he seemed like he had his mind set on going to where he was heading towards.

15 m ahead of him was a domestic bin that had been pushed out earlier the day for the rubbish collectors. Its lid was opened and collecting rain. Not a pleasant thing to deal with when the rain stops and you're the one collecting the bin. This man came, saw, and just conveniently flicked the lid back on and continued walking towards where he was going.

Pedestrian 2

Random rubbish was clogging the main drainage along the road (yes, melbourne has rubbish floating around too on rainy days). Well, I was at Richmond, that kinda explained the rubbish a little. This man, was casually walking along the street. It was raining, he had an umbrella, but he didnt really use it. He was well groomed and he seemed really happy, there was just a big grin on his face. He came around from the corner, semi tapping his feet. Then, he bent forwards towards the drain.

First thing that came into my head - "DODGY BETUL! What is this guy doing!!!!"

Then, I realised, he was unclogging the drain so that there wouldnt be a mini flood happening on the road.

WOW! Within 2 minutes of waiting at the traffic lights, I've seen such amazing acts. Perhaps, this is really doing good when no one was watching. I guess they were genuinely not expecting in return.

They did it, just because.

Soon enough, the traffic lights turned green.

We drove ahead and continued on. It was still raining, weather was still yuck. But, I knew that the rubbish bin lid was shut and not collecting rain, and the drain had now been unclogged.

I came around the traffic lights, with a big grin on my face, happier than when we first pulled up. It wasnt that anything significant had happened. It was just me knowing and witnessing it for myself, there are still good people around :)

R.I.P.

This week, we said goodbyes to 2 amazing men from our church - Shaun Bergin and Dylan Hall.

Personally, I dont know them. I just know of people who are related to them but they both have definitely touched my heart.

Dylan is 6 years old, brother to Jasmine and Eric. These kids are absolutely fantastic and having them in Planetkids had always been so much fun! I went to Dylan's funeral the other day and I realised these kids are actually WAYYY stronger and bigger in spirit than i could ever imagined. The photos of how they walked along Dylan and loved their little brother despite of his condition really touch my heart. They came to church on Sunday after the funeral. I saw Jasmine lift her hands and still praise God with all her heart. That in itself was beautiful and it was so hard to not move me to tears. The other kids at church were so gorgeous as well. Aimee and Ryan uphold them in prayer and it was evident that the presence of God was so strong when the kids prayed.

I guess, this in itself was a testimony. To see that Jasmine and Eric, despite their pain and questions, still came to church and still worship Our Father, was indeed very moving. And for the other kids, to love them and to pray with them and to support them, just in their actions speak more than 100000 words.

Shaun is a 26 year old footy player. Husband to Jess, son-in-law to Geoff and LeeAnne from planetkids. He suffered from a sporting injury that had left him unconscious (head/spinal cord injury?) and was put on life support. Today, we bid him goodbye after the good fight that he had put on! Perhaps, one can argue, how could this happen? He was so young and everyone prayed, and everyone stood in faith. I guess, with a lot of things, we wouldnt know why God did what He did. And i guess we would never know why God didnt carry out the promises that we once thought we saw, until we reach heaven and finally see things from the eternity point of view and in a wayyy bigger perspective than our human earthly mind could try to percieve right now. But for now, we just need to know that God is still God and He is still good. As Bea said, surely, the greater testimony is yet to happen. Just you wait.

I was on facebook and was just scrolling on all the encouragement, prayers and thoughts that were posted on the Bergins and the Andersons' wall. I love how people stood around each other and encourage them. My heart breaks as i know that they are walking through this grief. Lee Ann and Geoff are such inspirational people in the PK team. But at the same time, it's touching, knowing that in this journey of life, there's all these people that are thinking about you and believing with you through tough times. To cheer you on and to cry with you. To declare God's goodness and the light of hope when it feel like its utter darkness.

I love how love is made real, especially at this time.

To the Halls, Bergins and Andersons,

thank you for showcasing your legends and champions - Dylan and Shaun, to the world. our prayers and thoughts are with you. God is surely working something tremendously good along your way. love you guys heaps!

1 Corinthians 15:54b-55

“Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

i LIKE

sookers had always been rubbing in and saying that i'm getting old. Well, i guess she is PARTIALLY right. I cant freeze time ok? hahaha so it is natural to grow old what!

I sleep early and dont stay up late anymore. 1 o'clock is the latest i am willing to toothpick my eyes open. I dont like going out super late and i rather movies than games!

BUT HEY! I'M STILL COOL AND I STILL LOVE TO HAVE FUN OK!

I rediscovered my passion and joy in meeting new people and having the opportunity to hang out with people i dont usually hang out with / people i dont see so often! It's in doing the little random things like travelling all the way to the city at 730am just for baseball, sleeping in someone's room in between service and dinner, getting shot by millions of paintball and still smile at the end of the day, catching up in the library, watching and cheering on a volleyball game and impromtu outings to jells park.

somewhere, somehow, along the way, i've learnt to prioritise. To put what is closest to your heart first. It is not hard to know who is important in your life cos they'll always be in your thoughts. And, i cant be like superman, fly across to the other side of the earth in 2 mins. I can only do one small thing at a time. As uncool as it sound, i rather turn down an invite to some extravagant party and just snuggle up next to my ex-housie. I guess with growing up, you learnt to appreciate people more, hey?

So, yes. Growing up is inevitable and who says growing up is growing old?!! I still giggle and laugh super loud (and yes, in my amazingly high pitch!) at the silliest of things. But i think after taking in 23 years of oxygen, you realised that little things go long way.

After all, they say best things in life are free anyway! :) and well, I think its ok to slow down as we grow older. (no, i'm not saying the energy of my youth has departed me! NEVER admitting that!!!) But i'm just saying that in slowing down and taking a step back, you will realise that you actually have time to smell the flowers!! Whereas, when you're all hyped and running around heaps, you miss the little things.

i like smelling the flowers.

i like going on food adventures.

and you know what? I actually really like it when it rains and i'm indoor.

i like the sound of rain as it hits the floor or the window.

I like how secured and safe i can be inside the house.

so who cares if i'm growing old and not as exciting as people think i am.

as long as i'm with the people i love, and doing the things that makes my heart go fuzzy, who cares!

i like!

NEW SEASON

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

You know how i was sharing bout new things are yet to come. I think it is here!

I've been meeting and hanging out with people that I usually dont get to as well, it's AWESOMMMEE! yes, it's true. i'm cant live without people. but it's just all so fun and exciting when you finally meet someone(s) new or even learning something new about an old acquaintance! The whole sense of curiousity, forming new friendship and stepping out of your comfort zone thing can actually be quite fun! [yes, i do love it]! And to be honest, it's nice to finally balance the scale of farewell and people leaving me vs making new friends and doing random things!

With camp, discipleship, uni and just this phase of life that i'm in now, it's all so exciting and all so new! God is speaking to me and just leading me to this place of TOTAL and UTTER dependence on Him. It's either ALL or NOTHING. and sometimes, it can be scary.

Through that also, I've learnt to lay my "except" and excuses down. and hey, i still make mistakes! i just made the stupidest one yesterday. (not quite appropriate to share) but i've learnt to deal with it and pick up my feet. Just when you thought, yup, i've got it all and then you find yourself in the most awkward spot!! HAHAHA

I think I sorta know how to leave the things of the past behind and pressing on forward to the goal that Christ has set before me.

At times, I hear His gentle whisper saying, "BE STILL and know that I am HERE".

And at times, I feel His gentle tug, pushing me to LOVE and KEEP LOVING.

Kristal once said this in urban life. She felt as though God is putting a white cloth over the things of the past and made everything white as snow again. What was once darkness, is now brought to light.

Say something nice

Spread some positivity :) and make ppl smile :D

Colossians 3:8-

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Colossians 3

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

I have more than enough.

last night, we had a movie and burrito night at DanT's.

we watched Soul sufer, based on a true story.

these few weeks, I've met lots of people who had shared stories of all the other tough times that they had been through - bad clinical experiences. dealing with relationship difficulties. facing the death of their youngest son.

and, watching this movie, seeing the fighting spirit in this young lady and rethinking about the life that I'm living. I am so very blessed. I have more than enough and I wanna do more with the little bits that I have. I really love how Bethany Hamilton inspires others when she least expect she could. I think it is often a pleasant surprise, when you look down at your own brokenness and wonder what can you possibly offer, and then, see the miraculous and endless possibility at the end of the wave. That's what HOPE is, hey?

To be honest, that movie did not have the best production or any fancy visual or you could even say that the plot is predictable. But I love the fact that it is a true story. A beautiful piece of someone's life. I'm 23 years old and the story of this 13 year old chic from Hawaii really moved me. Makes me question about what am I doing with my life!

I wanna do something. I wanna explore, discover and go on an adventure! There's something within me that is busting to GO but I just dont know what or how to get there. Uncertainties and crossroads are so annoying but I guess that helps in keeping me grounded in some ways and help me to be more logical?

At the moment, I'm just figuring out on what's next and waiting on God. I cant wait to see the connecting dots come together.

So, just you wait and watch this space! I'm pretty sure something exciting is about to happen!!

ps. thank you so much for your prayers. 2 nursing interviews done!

for a change

Quite a few people in uni has had haircuts recently. In their justifications, it is to look better and more professional in our upcoming interviews.

It's scary that our next chapter unfolds so soon. Well, it is already August and we are all nearly done. In LESS THAN 10 WEEKS! OHMYGOODNESS! (ok, i havent even started my first assignment, maybe i should get on to that first! HAHA) but yes, anyway, I joined the trend in uni and went for a haircut myself too! Yea, my fringe was a bit long and it was indeed time for a trim. Umm, well, trim, was sort of an understatement.

I went for a cut. I think I've chopped off more than 15cm of my hair! YUP! just like that, in less than an hour, ALL GONE!

To be honest, I miss my long hair. The moment my hairdresser chopped it, there was this cringe in my heart. I knew I'd regret it! Some people who noticed my short hair said i looked like lok yee. (I DONT WANNA LOOK LIKE HER!!)

but, it is time. to move on.

When I was younger, I used to always cut my hair when I was sad, or felt like I need a lighter head. This time, I need a change. Just because?

I think i still hang my head low and trying to adapt to the new me. Both Sarahs came up to me and said, they really like it and Sarah H actually told me to wear it with confidence.

Dan texted me today from Malaysia with this verse,

Jeremiah 17:7

But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

So, yea! This time, for a change, it is indeed time to walk in the confidence that is in Jesus alone. I kept telling myself to walk and take one step at a time. But really, I'm bored and tired of taking the baby steps. I need to dream and DREAM BIG again. Living a mediocre lifestyle is so draining. Yes, I still have my issues to deal with, but this new haircut is to remind me, to move on and go for it.

These are my nursing interview times for this week. Pray along with me! :)

Monday 3pm Southern Health (Monash Medical Center)

Tuesday 3pm Alfred Hospital

Friday 9am Austin Hospital

OH! something totally random but MADE MY DAY!

one of my kids celebrated her bday and she made some lemon slices for her party. today, she brought them in for me!!! i felt so loved <3

So, my besties flew down from kl to VISIT ME last week! (yes, i tell everyone the reason they are here is to see me, not particularly for holidays, which could possibly be their intention hahaha :p ) it was one of the best week i've had in a long time. i wagged classes, missed out on uni but IT WAS ALL WORTH IT! :) :)

my little white corolla faithfully took us to peninsula, ballarat and daylesford. To all the places that I'd always thought it's nice but never quite had the chance or time to go to.

we had lots of good laugh and it was nice, being sandwiched in love again. weather was cold especially in ballarat, but it was nice and fuzzy for me, from the inside (so cliche i know)

this trip, if anything, has shed me new light and reminded me how much and deeply the people around me and those who are overseas, love and have loved me for who i am. i always knew people cared for me but to have gone through so much, and finally had the epiphany and the revelation that i have people who wont give up on me, was so moving.

to you out there,

thank you for always believing in me. thank you for loving me as i am, and never gives up on me.

There has been so many farewells recently that it's not funny anymore! I'm not made out of a heart of stone (as rach fi would have described it), so, it aint the easiest for me to say goodbye to people.

I realised that when people pack, and if you're lucky (or unlucky?) enough to be there to witness the process, you have the priviledge of seeing bits and pieces of their lives through the little knick-knacks that lie around. I was totally fascinated and being a horder myself, apart from finding everything interesting, i realised that behind the so-called-unneccessary-junk, there's a story of itself.

Over the past few weeks, I had to say goodbye to 2 of my ex-housies, 1 of my urbies and a friend very close to my heart. AND, another one is leaving in few days! (now now, munyee, hold on to your tears! it'll be so embarassing to cry in the com lab!)
and i was talking to my besties back at home over skype and totally broke down. I was suffering from quarter life crisis and asking them the big questions about life, people, career and everything else under the sun.

I guess i was overwhelmed. The thought about people leaving home for good or going to another country for work, yes it is exciting and i am very happy for them, but I think I just need to work on my adaptation skills and be better at getting used to not seeing the familiar faces i used to see every so often. I find it so funny that yesterday, it was su ann who was boarding the flight but she had to check on me and make sure that i'm ok.

but what she said was very true.
If there leaving was nothing to be sad about, or the fact that it doesnt hurt as much, would probably mean there wasnt anything to celebrate in the friendships and bonds made here.

Beat sent me a very encouraging email (which i will share more next time), talking about seasons in life and I realised that I am in this strategic season of redefining myself and who I am in God and where I am to go. Who I was, what I'm going through now will shape who I am yet to become in the future! Being at the point when you are so near (yet so far) to the end of uni, flogged with job applications and asking about what is to happen next and where to go feels like you're juggling with A WHOLE heap of things. but then again, you just need to chill out, lay back and gather you bits and pieces. Having been on placements for the whole while makes me feel so burnt out. But talking to my uni friends again made me realised i'm not the only one going through this silly little quarter life crisis.

Instead, it really got me thinking.


Before Ant left, he gave me this whole heap of craft materials, papers and all things cool. He always believe in the creative side of me. Li Yin gave me some of her clothes and some household goods. It reminds me of the housies time that we shared. And before Su Ann left, she wrote me this letter of how I changed her life by being myself.

Yes, I am at the season of dealing with people leaving my physical circle and searching for directions. It kinda feels like I am in a season of uncertainty but also a season preparation.

So, yes. I have now a few more things in my room. they are not junk and i only hoard things with sentimental values (ie. everything! hahaha) but they do have stories to tell. from a season of someone else's life and now entering to mine.


and yes. i will clean my room tonight!

Happy Ending

I had this song by Mika in my head on the way back from Ballarat post my placements that it is only then that i finally realised that i had been singing to the wrong lyrics ALL THE WHILE! how embarassing!!!!

ORIGINAL LYRICS

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

MUN YEE'S VERSION

This is the way you love me,
I'm not pretending

Full of hope, of love, of glory,
My Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
just us together.

I was singing to it after YEARS only i realised i was singing to the wrong thing!! i was obviously living in my own world for far too long! hahaha still i think i like my version of it better. i didnt know the song was talking about a breakup or the reality of life where there was no happy ending! LIES i tell you. I still believe in happily ever after. I'd still like to live in my cupcake world and yes, dreams do come true :)

2 of my friends just got attached and 1 couple just got engaged!!!! I AM SO EXCITEDDDDD, and i just cant hide it!!!! WOOT WOOT!

prayer request

pls pray for my mummy. one of the blood vessels on her eye clotted and burst and it has now affected her vision. she can still see but it is very blurry. sookers and dad are yet to take her to the specialist and find out more about the diagnosis and what is happening. mummy is saying it's no biggie but it scares the world out of me. i cant imagine life without vision!

so, please pray for my mummy.

yes, i do appreciate prayers asking for healings and speedy recovery.

but i would appreciate prayers that ask God to open her eyes so that she can see Jesus through this time. just like how paul was struck blind by God and completely turned around. I'm believing for that kinda miracle. would you stand in faith and believe with me?

I MISS

youuuuuu! come here quickly already so that i dont waste my time looking at photos or procrastinating when i should be applying for jobs! hahahahha

kids and magic

via Sarah

BEAUTIFUL

hi.

so i have not been blogging for a while. it was for a good reason.

i had been grieving from the inside. for a moment, i thought everything i believed in was wrong, that i couldnt hear from God properly and the lies of the enemies was clouding my head. and everyday, i just live it for that day. things were grey and fighting negative thoughts were such huge challenges. people told me that i'll be ok and i just agreed. i knew i would be but the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so very far away and, the last thing i want, is to let out some of my negative vents on cyberspace (as if we didnt have enough of that already). hence, the lack of blogging. apologise to whoever who still come by. the past month was just pushing myself to go for placements when the only thing i want to do is to curl up in bed and cry. i packed my week with things to do and make sure i spend time with people. i left no time for myself to think and relax. i need to be strong for myself and not get the people around me worried. i just kept telling myself l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n. and pushed myself. i cried and picked myself up and everyday was just looking forward to the end of the day and hopefully i'll sleep things away. i was operating the numb mode.

God is always in the picture. people told me to pray and worship. i did all of that, but God seemed to push me to the deep side, to not look at my own circumstance and even asked me to serve others. i was still operating the "what-about-me?-i'm-hurting-too" mindset. there wasnt any of the cuddle and comfort that i was expecting, like how i knew he would whenever i'm sad. this time, it was just a lot of tough love and mature teaching. He still loves me, i know. otherwise, i wouldnt have made it to today. i am so thankful for the friends that stood alongside of me. it was them, the little victories and little things in my daily life that i knew God is still real. and no matter how much i want to throw in the white towel, the faintest tinge of hope comes in. and last weekend, my life hit the turning point again.

i was in Planetkids camp.

the Friday morning, i knew that my breakthrough would come. i am believing in the kids' breakthrough and i know in seeing theirs, mine would come. even if it didnt, seeing my kids having a touch from God, would be the victory enough to pull me through.

of course, God being God, always surprises us and going above over and beyond.

i didnt really know what happened, but during worship, God's peace and joy just came and fill from within. i cant quite explained it, an exchange happened.

The sorrow, pain and hurt was replaced with joy and peace.

everything was gone. just like that.

it was swift, it was quick and it was gone. i didnt know how or what exactly happened but something happened. God mended my broken heart and restore the joy of salvation in me. i never knew it could happen instantaneously but it did and i am so grateful. i thought the healing process takes a looooong time, but God did it in a moment.

my pain and hurt was real. but God is real in healing me and mending my broken heart too.

i am ready to be back up on my feet again. (sorry it took a while) but i'm sooo happy to say, I am verrryyy happy now.

and when you see me smiling again, be assured that, the smile on my face is genuine, and i'm not pulling a brave face.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

ps. thank you for all the hugs, emails, texts and calls for the past month.

HIMYM

Ted's father says he met Virgina at a bar. Ted asks what happened, they used to be so happy. They realized they were different people. His father is a romantic, while his mother is down to earth. Ted doesn't see why that matters, because him and Robin are like that, and also have different views on children. Virgina continues and says that she didn't even want to date him, but finally gave in after he was badgering her for months. Ted's father says that if they don't connect on so many fundamental levels, then its just a matter of time before they realize they don't belong together.

- How I Met Your Mother, Brunch, Season 2 episode 3 -

somehow, for some unknown reason, i stumbled upon this episode exactly the night before it happened. i pushed it aside, but i guess i was placed in a place to think things through and i was prepared unwillingly, when i thought i could just relax.

3 C's to find the will of God

I was reading Sooker's bible today and this hit me. I have to listen and obey to it myself. Hard for me at times like this and for this to settle in cos some part i can actually picture a once familiar voice saying that, but i know this is good!

Anyway, may it speak to you too.

3 C's to find the will of God.

1) Common sense.

Christianity is a rational faith. God is a logical God. You can use your biblically informed reason to make decisions. Paul used common sense (Acts 15:38)

2) Compulsion

Often God will give inner impressions to follow or not to follow a certain course. This was Paul's experience: "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem." (Acts 20:22)

God will use such methods to lead you as well.

"Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God" - Romans 8:14-

Remember, if you feel led, it's probably God. If you're under pressure, it's probably not God.

3) Contentment

Being in God's will should result in an inner peace in your life (Colossians 3:15)