CANT BELIEVE IT!

seriously. who would have thought, after so many years, so many acclimatisation, being so settled, i could be nostalgic!!! o.O and guess wat? i'm missing the people and things back home! honestly, this hadnt hit me for somewhile already, understanding that i'm actually slowing settling in and sooner than i thought, i may start calling this place HOMELAND. hahhaha. but the things is, i'd never get to do that as long as the key players in my life aint with me here.

yes. i was bored. i wasnt working yo! u cant really blame me for having too much time that i started flickering on the past photos or blog hopping right? my heart just dropped and butterflies flew into my stomach.

it had been long since i felt it this way .. when was the last time?? it wasnt even as worse when i first came back in June! perhaps it's because i'm missing everyone from both malaysia, high school and even uni!! T.T
*ouch* crap! i just sat on my finger! (how smart! >.<) PAINN!!

anywayz .. i was just flicking through the photos and .. i just miss everyone and everything. sorry bout being so whiney and i know eelin and trili always said i'm very "manja" :p well .. guess i am :D (SOMETIMES :P) but u know wat?? recently i've been
pondering on the topic - LOVE.



i was very challenged to "freely give as you have freely received". of course i'm very tempted to just throw the question - WHO LOVE ME, PLEASE SAY SO!! or WHY ARENT YOUR ACTIONS EVEN DROP ME THE SLIGHTEST HINT THAT YOU CARE... cos after rather being disconnected from the bigger circle, i realised that give a lil note or a brief love-ya-goodnight message on msn can make such a HUGE difference..

so big that it makes BIG seemed small :p
(well, not to mention outings and trips - they're the bombs)

surely, love isnt something to much to ask for. everyone needs to be loved, not just from the King, but also from people. It is surely more comforting than anything to be known as a Princess or Prince and even a CHAMPION in His eyes. When His Presence floods your heart, you're crowned with royalty. Its hard to explain but yea. However, let's come back to reality. WE ARE STILL HUMAN. There's still this part in us that craves for the love from peers or family or technically, from a person. Funny aint it how you can be so refreshed under His throne but yet you still miss the love language from people. Perhaps that why God created Eve.. perhaps it's because Adam needed company. a friend and a family. a companion. a someone.

[current song: i'll be there by mariah carey. our speech night song *sniff sniff* ]

yes. i do admit. i want to be loved. i was once told & even tested, by jo at mph! :p asking, what are the 5 languages of love.



no.. not the hand language. i went to search it cos i cant remember the 5th one :p


QUALITY time
physical touch
words of affirmation and encouragement
gifts
acts of service

jo asked me which area is my strength. honestly. i duno. cos i dun think i'm really good when it comes to love. all i want is to be loved. it is a very selfish of me. and perhaps i could come up with tonnes of justifications to it. but i wanna love more. i wanna be a person who GIVE.

i realised that for too many times, for too long, i've taken too many things for granted. too many people for granted.

i'm sorry and i'm trying to change that. help me.

though i feel like i'm being challenged to love EVERYONE despite everything, it's sometimes aint the easiest thing to do, especially after i'd been receiving quite a fair bit of negative reinforment (ooo .. psy jargon!) but hey, my God is a god who adds super into natural and my God gives me the strength that i need to overcome, so even though in psychology aspect, it requires damn much effort to change, but nothing is impossible for Him.

i know i such at replying emails or even sms.. phone calls and skypes are better with me :p .. but do know that my mind is always flooded with people close to my heart, k? and trust me, at the most random time of the day. i'm sorry i'm not good at expressing them.. but i just wanna say thank you to those who had always made me felt so comfortable at being myself that i'm able to just ..
wake up with super bad hair and still open the door for ya,
or constantly adjust my dress coz it's too loose
or simply call you up when i need a ride home after dark
or just random and spontaneously play sports with
or go in your car on a rainy day when ur wipers aint working
or feel the warmth in my heart though we're like miles apart

thank u for those timely phone calls and sms-es. i love u i love u.

so for now, please, grab my hand, and let's go for a spin - i know mandy loves doing it! :p