Thanks for breaking my heart so effortlessly. Thank you for helping m realize that I am so small. Thank you for making me stronger and helping me to realize that I can actually be so insignificant. I thought we were close and I thought you care. Obviously I was in my own lil buble And clearly my dream was just fantasy. Thanks for the invitation, I hear your laughter and I only longed to be a joiner.
I hate I love you.
I hate how I can't be mad at u
I hate I tried so hard to be loved
I hate how I can't cry out loud
I hate how things are and you prolly never realize a tad bit. Or perhaps all these rubbish are just mere thoughts that plagued my mind?
I dunoo
but you know wat? Thank u for teaching me that I can't always run n hide. Thank u for teaching me and putting me in a position thAt I can do nothing bit cry out to God. Thank u for not always being there when I needed cos through tough moments like these, I've learn to turn to my heavenly Father.
I wonder what next yr holds for us but watever it is, with or without me, you'll do great.
All the best
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
cry
i was flickering through facebook during my dinner break. yes. at the moment i'm ploughing through my assignment. i should be focusing. as i was jumping from one page to another, i was reminded of certain things in the past. some things that used to be so precious and now probably amount to dust because of three convenient words - "we've moved on".
i wonder why it hurts now. it made me wanna cry.
on the other note, do you know how much it breaks God's heart when you cry yourself to sleep? i cried myself to sleep tonnes of times and yesterday, ps rob said that - and i dun feel so alone anymore.
i wonder why it hurts now. it made me wanna cry.
on the other note, do you know how much it breaks God's heart when you cry yourself to sleep? i cried myself to sleep tonnes of times and yesterday, ps rob said that - and i dun feel so alone anymore.
Monday, August 03, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
deeper
Beautiful Women's coming up. In less than 24 hrs actually.
i tried to embed it in this but couldnt. so you'll just have to click onto this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3dqiWK2XbY
I know this again will be an awesome encounter with Jesus.
I know i can approach His throne room and He'll be there, never too busy for me.
I know He will hold my hand and the hands of those who need His touch
How sweet is that when He calls you the apple of His eyes
Zechariah 2:7
for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye
but as i sit down and think, i dont know what to ask from God. i dont know what to expect.
well,
i guess i wasnt too greedy.. all i want is summed up in a word -"MORE"
Jesus, i want more. i want to know you more. i wanna love more.
more of You.
i tried to embed it in this but couldnt. so you'll just have to click onto this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3dqiWK2XbY
I know this again will be an awesome encounter with Jesus.
I know i can approach His throne room and He'll be there, never too busy for me.
I know He will hold my hand and the hands of those who need His touch
How sweet is that when He calls you the apple of His eyes
Zechariah 2:7
for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye
but as i sit down and think, i dont know what to ask from God. i dont know what to expect.
well,
i guess i wasnt too greedy.. all i want is summed up in a word -"MORE"
Jesus, i want more. i want to know you more. i wanna love more.
more of You.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
cant wait for church tmr!
i can feel the excitement!
i cant wait for church tmr. i know God's gonna move so powerfully and it's gonna be AWEEESOMME. woo hoo!!
Jesus, do what you wanna do. for me, i just wanna love you more.
our God is love.
i cant wait for church tmr. i know God's gonna move so powerfully and it's gonna be AWEEESOMME. woo hoo!!
Jesus, do what you wanna do. for me, i just wanna love you more.
our God is love.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
what do you do
what do you do
when giving up is the easier option
and hiding is the more secure sense?
what do you do
when you are called to lead and carry miracles
but all you see is sickness and disease?
what do you do
when you know you're loved
but the love seemed so far?
what do you do
when someone said they care
but they havent even make to drop a line?
what do you do
when you get mad at the one who knows you best
when you get angry for no apparent reason
what do you do when you know you cant do anything?
what do you do?
when giving up is the easier option
and hiding is the more secure sense?
what do you do
when you are called to lead and carry miracles
but all you see is sickness and disease?
what do you do
when you know you're loved
but the love seemed so far?
what do you do
when someone said they care
but they havent even make to drop a line?
what do you do
when you get mad at the one who knows you best
when you get angry for no apparent reason
what do you do when you know you cant do anything?
what do you do?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
beyond my eyes.
That was the theme song that Ps Rob repeating played during camp red. It was just so amazing and God just moved so powerfully. Kids are all stepping up to the next level and operating in a new annointing. its mind blowing! have you seen kids praying for each other and leaders on the last day? kids taking more of a part in the service rather than leaders? oh my goodness!
Holy Spirit is just sooo there! I went there, and i felt as though i'm recieving more than i'm serving. it's odd. but it's good :)
3 more shifts and i'm home.
i dont exactly know how i'm feeling at the moment.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
HELLO FROM WANGARATTA
Yes, i'm finally here! i still remembered the night when i found out i was allocated here and how my beloved housemate and sister were having a crack at it! I also remembered how God spoke to me to come and stuff. And well well well, can you believe it? i'm one week down and two more to go and soon enough, it'll be over!
So far, i'm digging it!
The place that i'm staying does feel heaps like boardo. communal kitchen and toilet, laundry and stuff like tat. 4 walls, wardrobe, table and chair. ahhh. good ol' time. and i figure some things are still the same in me, i havent grown much! it still kinda felt exactly the same as i felt the first time i left home. when i'm in my own room, i still feel rather miserable, the feeling of being alone and no close friends near u, aint good. aint good at all. companionship meant so much hey?
but i guess the one MAJOR difference was that i have God by my side. He is so good, never forsaken me. It felt so different when you start you day with him. He prepares my day and set it right.
In the hospital, i've been learning heaps. went in the wards for four days and i've been doing quite a fair bit. it started with a lil contending, like trying to balance out the technical stuff and wanting to see all the "cool" things, but then.. a day later, i realised wat's important aint the doing things on people part. it's the part where you get to talk to them and put a smile on them, making their pain more tolerable, or reduce it to 0! it's an amazing feeling when you get to know them, talk to them and just listen to them and sharing the honour of being part of their lives. It truly is a an honour.
Just like how people came into my life. I cant forget how awesome my first 2 nurses who looked after me last year! jo and carlie. i really missed them and kinda regretted that i did not get their contacts. but anwayy.. highlights from wangaratta so far.
went to cheese tasting
the last stand of ned kelly
taco night
finished a 1000 pieces puzzle
homesick
gave an injection
learning to depend more on God
i shall talk more next time.
ps. just watched raising helen on tv. i cried.
So far, i'm digging it!
The place that i'm staying does feel heaps like boardo. communal kitchen and toilet, laundry and stuff like tat. 4 walls, wardrobe, table and chair. ahhh. good ol' time. and i figure some things are still the same in me, i havent grown much! it still kinda felt exactly the same as i felt the first time i left home. when i'm in my own room, i still feel rather miserable, the feeling of being alone and no close friends near u, aint good. aint good at all. companionship meant so much hey?
but i guess the one MAJOR difference was that i have God by my side. He is so good, never forsaken me. It felt so different when you start you day with him. He prepares my day and set it right.
In the hospital, i've been learning heaps. went in the wards for four days and i've been doing quite a fair bit. it started with a lil contending, like trying to balance out the technical stuff and wanting to see all the "cool" things, but then.. a day later, i realised wat's important aint the doing things on people part. it's the part where you get to talk to them and put a smile on them, making their pain more tolerable, or reduce it to 0! it's an amazing feeling when you get to know them, talk to them and just listen to them and sharing the honour of being part of their lives. It truly is a an honour.
Just like how people came into my life. I cant forget how awesome my first 2 nurses who looked after me last year! jo and carlie. i really missed them and kinda regretted that i did not get their contacts. but anwayy.. highlights from wangaratta so far.
went to cheese tasting
the last stand of ned kelly
taco night
finished a 1000 pieces puzzle
homesick
gave an injection
learning to depend more on God
i shall talk more next time.
ps. just watched raising helen on tv. i cried.
Monday, June 15, 2009
whilst i was in His arms, thanking Him, tears rolled down the corner of my eyes.
that adds another line to my tally crying myself to sleep this month
but deep down, i know
Jesus loves when there's still so much hurt.
Jesus loves, when there's still so much that i dont understand.
Jesus loves.
It's tears of gratitude. As long as my heart remains soft, these tears will never run dry, cos there's always things to be thankful for.
Can i choose to let go and say bye :] with a hope that you'll find someone better. i'm sorry
that adds another line to my tally crying myself to sleep this month
but deep down, i know
Jesus loves when there's still so much hurt.
Jesus loves, when there's still so much that i dont understand.
Jesus loves.
It's tears of gratitude. As long as my heart remains soft, these tears will never run dry, cos there's always things to be thankful for.
Can i choose to let go and say bye :] with a hope that you'll find someone better. i'm sorry
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I WILL BLESS THE LORD
When you think about how awesome God is, and how great His gracious hands are. u just cant help but thanking Him and being in awe in His mighty presence.
Today, at Planetkids, Ps Rob shared a lil and allowed us to publicly declare and thank God for things. anything.
it's awesome and so genuine as you start hearing the heart beat and the sincere "thank-you"s from the bottom of people's hearts.
It ranges from family, to ministry, friends to His things that make you smile.
God is always at work, always loving, always faithful, always reaching out to you.
as i'm sitting back on my bed now, typing this, i've got so many things to thank God for, from the simplest of things to the routine-everyday-life-repititive-taken-for-granted things.
for the hot warm sun, and the fog, wet winter
for the great joyous laughters, and the tough challenging pains.
for the most loving outstretched hands, to the most heartfelt hugs.
and just being able to breath and say your name.
GOD, thank you!
Today, at Planetkids, Ps Rob shared a lil and allowed us to publicly declare and thank God for things. anything.
it's awesome and so genuine as you start hearing the heart beat and the sincere "thank-you"s from the bottom of people's hearts.
It ranges from family, to ministry, friends to His things that make you smile.
God is always at work, always loving, always faithful, always reaching out to you.
as i'm sitting back on my bed now, typing this, i've got so many things to thank God for, from the simplest of things to the routine-everyday-life-repititive-taken-for-granted things.
for the hot warm sun, and the fog, wet winter
for the great joyous laughters, and the tough challenging pains.
for the most loving outstretched hands, to the most heartfelt hugs.
and just being able to breath and say your name.
GOD, thank you!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
pre-exams
in couple of hours time, i'll be on my first paper of the year. this year had truly whizzed by real quick and before i knew it. it's already mid-year. winter and its chill has already hit the streets.
i've been in a position now, where i dun really know what to do.
well, i know the very basic thing is - to trust God, believe that Jesus will come through.
i know he will. i dont doubt heaps. but the question for me is the issue of expectations. i dont really wanna go through this but i know it's totally self-inflict and yes, i think, i think too much. ya. and just within a minute, a ZILLION things will zoom into my head, like it or not. it could be of people, things i need to do, random thoughts and even things of the future.
no wonder i'm so easily overwhelmed.
but somehow i need to understand that God is still in control. God is still faithful and He is good.
i need to know that when i trust Him, He can and will work in the miraculous ways.
when i lift my hands up, and let Him do it, He will surprise me.
I just need to belief it from the bottom of my heart. There has never been such great doubt or testing in my heart before. it's a point where i know it in my head, but do i really belief in my heart. perhaps the fact that i dont see it yet or the fact that it's not hapenning yet kinda intensify my tot process. i dont know. but this exams feel so different. maybe God is just taking me on a deeper level of trust.
i know i dont wanna be an average student. i am sick and tired of the mediocre level of achievements. i know the same power that raised Christ from the dead is in me. i know i have all it takes.
i know. but why it is so hard to put it down into the real deal.
in a way, it's like moses of the holy ground. you know you're there. you know something off the supernatural is happening, but you just dont know how to react or how to tap into the source that is available right in front of you. perhaps i'm waiting on the clear instruction of God, "take off your shoes"
take off the stuff that has been hindering me off direct contact with God.
remove all the thoughts that come bombastically down on me, and just be saturated in His.
COME ON. get ready.
havent you already known that in His presence, there's everything? HE is forever faithful. He is forever good.
Come through again God.
ps. i dont wanna have leaky nose or any cough-running-nose-disease. get rid of it for me please God.
i've been in a position now, where i dun really know what to do.
well, i know the very basic thing is - to trust God, believe that Jesus will come through.
i know he will. i dont doubt heaps. but the question for me is the issue of expectations. i dont really wanna go through this but i know it's totally self-inflict and yes, i think, i think too much. ya. and just within a minute, a ZILLION things will zoom into my head, like it or not. it could be of people, things i need to do, random thoughts and even things of the future.
no wonder i'm so easily overwhelmed.
but somehow i need to understand that God is still in control. God is still faithful and He is good.
i need to know that when i trust Him, He can and will work in the miraculous ways.
when i lift my hands up, and let Him do it, He will surprise me.
I just need to belief it from the bottom of my heart. There has never been such great doubt or testing in my heart before. it's a point where i know it in my head, but do i really belief in my heart. perhaps the fact that i dont see it yet or the fact that it's not hapenning yet kinda intensify my tot process. i dont know. but this exams feel so different. maybe God is just taking me on a deeper level of trust.
i know i dont wanna be an average student. i am sick and tired of the mediocre level of achievements. i know the same power that raised Christ from the dead is in me. i know i have all it takes.
i know. but why it is so hard to put it down into the real deal.
in a way, it's like moses of the holy ground. you know you're there. you know something off the supernatural is happening, but you just dont know how to react or how to tap into the source that is available right in front of you. perhaps i'm waiting on the clear instruction of God, "take off your shoes"
take off the stuff that has been hindering me off direct contact with God.
remove all the thoughts that come bombastically down on me, and just be saturated in His.
COME ON. get ready.
havent you already known that in His presence, there's everything? HE is forever faithful. He is forever good.
Come through again God.
ps. i dont wanna have leaky nose or any cough-running-nose-disease. get rid of it for me please God.
Saturday, June 06, 2009
the other day, when i was on the bus, i eavedropped into some other person's conversation. one of them is my coursemate, doing nursing.
My friend/ coursemate (P)
Another girl that she was talking to, assuming that she's doing the same course as well (J)
J- We nurses dont earn as much you know. Unlike the doctors.
P - Yea.. apparently physio's earn heaps too and their job scope is really good. They only work from 9 to 5
J - YEA! that's why i really wanna get hitched with either a doctor or physio once i get out there on the job.
I'm pretty set on it.
HHMMM. I couldnt stop laughing to myself. I always wonder if my guy would be a doctor or from the healthscience line.
HMMM
My friend/ coursemate (P)
Another girl that she was talking to, assuming that she's doing the same course as well (J)
J- We nurses dont earn as much you know. Unlike the doctors.
P - Yea.. apparently physio's earn heaps too and their job scope is really good. They only work from 9 to 5
J - YEA! that's why i really wanna get hitched with either a doctor or physio once i get out there on the job.
I'm pretty set on it.
HHMMM. I couldnt stop laughing to myself. I always wonder if my guy would be a doctor or from the healthscience line.
HMMM
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
taking my position
i was on a podcast spree today.
whilst on the way back from peninsula, i had joyce meyers, jentezen franklin and GC to accompany me. it was AWESOME!!!
there's so much that i could grasp from the messages but i'll just share wat spoke to me the most. i love what joyce meyers said.
The battle is not ours to fight.
2 Chronicles 20:17
"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "
I've been hearing a lot of stipulations here and there. and as the mid year approaches, it got me thinking alot. about what have i done for the past 6 moths. and what could i do in the up coming months. perhaps its not the best time to do some reflection, especially when assignments and exams are round the corner and not to forget placements straight after.
perhaps like what chloe said, i do have a lot spinning in my head.
but i guess i'm just trying to max out my day with the things i can do, not just for myself but also for people and for God.
aikz. i duno.
i think i need some recap and reflection time with God and put myself in a position of ultimate surrender, giving all of myself to God.
somehow, this song came into my head tonight. TEEEHEHHE, enjoy the old school video. my sis n i cracked up laughing watching it!
God, take me home!
where the deers and the anthelop play...
whilst on the way back from peninsula, i had joyce meyers, jentezen franklin and GC to accompany me. it was AWESOME!!!
there's so much that i could grasp from the messages but i'll just share wat spoke to me the most. i love what joyce meyers said.
The battle is not ours to fight.
2 Chronicles 20:17
"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "
I've been hearing a lot of stipulations here and there. and as the mid year approaches, it got me thinking alot. about what have i done for the past 6 moths. and what could i do in the up coming months. perhaps its not the best time to do some reflection, especially when assignments and exams are round the corner and not to forget placements straight after.
perhaps like what chloe said, i do have a lot spinning in my head.
but i guess i'm just trying to max out my day with the things i can do, not just for myself but also for people and for God.
aikz. i duno.
i think i need some recap and reflection time with God and put myself in a position of ultimate surrender, giving all of myself to God.
somehow, this song came into my head tonight. TEEEHEHHE, enjoy the old school video. my sis n i cracked up laughing watching it!
God, take me home!
where the deers and the anthelop play...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Come back to the Garden of Eden
I believe, each and every part of our souls looonnnng to go back to the Garden of Eden, where we walk with God, whether you know Him or not.
God, take us back to where we belong, with You.
God, take us back to where we belong, with You.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Pictures of you
This song randomly came up into my head today. i had pictures of my life came flashing by as i was watching this video.
ant, i reckon you may like it. like the way they did the video (is the tech term - animation?)
oh oh oh .
and i stumble upon this too.
i dun watch oth, so i dun really know what it was talking about. but hey. if you think about it, it does give you greater perspective to life hey? like no matter how different each and everyone of us are, we are all children of God.
we all have a story to tell.
we all do posess the capacity to make an impact in the lives of others.
(even if it's just one hour)
ant, i reckon you may like it. like the way they did the video (is the tech term - animation?)
oh oh oh .
and i stumble upon this too.
i dun watch oth, so i dun really know what it was talking about. but hey. if you think about it, it does give you greater perspective to life hey? like no matter how different each and everyone of us are, we are all children of God.
we all have a story to tell.
we all do posess the capacity to make an impact in the lives of others.
(even if it's just one hour)
Sunday, May 24, 2009
my housemates said that i'm not so good of an actor. hmm. people say that they can read me like a book. REALLY??
sometimes,
somethings, i always wonder, whether is it better for me to say it or to keep it to myself?
can you read it through my eyes? i hate to proclaim those words.
but sometimes, it doesnt matter what we say. the best comfort one can get is silent presence.
for me, i'd love it if i could get a giant cuddle and you telling me, it'll be alright. God's got you at the palm of His hands.
just hold me in your arms, will you?
sometimes,
somethings, i always wonder, whether is it better for me to say it or to keep it to myself?
can you read it through my eyes? i hate to proclaim those words.
but sometimes, it doesnt matter what we say. the best comfort one can get is silent presence.
for me, i'd love it if i could get a giant cuddle and you telling me, it'll be alright. God's got you at the palm of His hands.
just hold me in your arms, will you?
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
thank you for putting a smile on my face
i love all the little things that people do that completely BRIGHTENS up your day. it's so amazing.
thank you awesome people. you made me feel like a princess :)
Thanks Gavin, for the lunch and PEGS for the awesome asam laksa :)
i feel so loved!
happy birthday PJ :)
thank you awesome people. you made me feel like a princess :)
Thanks Gavin, for the lunch and PEGS for the awesome asam laksa :)
i feel so loved!
happy birthday PJ :)
Monday, April 27, 2009
VEGGIETALES
in planetkids today, we watched Veggietales - the pirates who dont do anything.
here's the trailer for it.
it's great fun and u'll learn heaps out of it. but amongst it all, my favourite quote is,
"even princess does the right thing."
mmhmm :)
here's the trailer for it.
it's great fun and u'll learn heaps out of it. but amongst it all, my favourite quote is,
"even princess does the right thing."
mmhmm :)
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