it is annoying and depressing to me. i am trying to overcome it and i know that i definitely cant do this on my own. this is THE MOST DISASTEROUS thing that has ever happened but i know i can and i have to pull my acts together. it's truly by His Grace. i need it more than ever. DISCIPLINE, that's another key component that i need.
perhaps to you guys, it's nothing much. just another ramblings of hers. yes this truly is. so just let me do my thing!

ARGGGHHHH!!! i'm at the fatest stage of my life!! EVER! it is disgusting! >.< i have never seen the scale sway so much to the right side. it's gross.

i need to get serious and do something.
for those whose heads are saying " yea right mun yee, you're going to be bones and sticks if you go on a diet" can you please just keep them in your head. cos to me, i dont need the discouragement to GET A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE! i need to get fit terribly much. to you, i may be normal or balanced. But this was not how i'm supposed to be. í've seen a healthier and fitter side of me and i'm really sick of how i am at my current stage.
yes. this is dealing with self-image. I know that I am created by God and i'm made perfect in His image. He created me well. Definitely! but i need to be disciplined as well. I've got to understand that my body is a temple for Holy Spirit and i need to keep it well :) i think this is also another season to show that God can really do anything!!!!

Ever since God knows when, the scale has just always been sky rocketting. it hardly go the other way, the preferred way. But, i really believe that God can help me with this. Seriously, some of you may even think that this is so silly. She's complaining about her gaining weight and there she goes, being super spritual, bringing God into the topic. YEA! I AM! cos, i've tried to loose the excess that i have with my own plans and strategies. i've tried!! but it's not working! and doing things on your own capability is so limited! it's so hard. i've learnt that i've gotta depend on God in EVERYTHING! and even in loosing weight. yeap. i'm dead serious!

i know this is gotta do with self-image, self-esteem and all that. perhaps, i am at the stage of bad judgement and placing high expectations on myself. I know i'm blessed enough to have certain things. but this is not what i'm after. I know and i've seen myself better. This is about discipline.
This is also about trusting God in every single aspect of my life. even the most ridiculous one - loosing weight.

i know He can help me! and just you weight (wait). when the testimony comes, i'll share with you how i did it and what's the plan that you could go on k/ dont worry, i'm not going to starve myself. NO WAY! we'll see alright/!

little things that makes huge differences in my life

i feel so blessed :) just today itself i've recieved 4 awesome stuff :D

tell me, i am loved or wat!

Beloved Trixie kindly borrowed me her laptop to use. Hence, i'll be able to go online more *Erhem cough cough* i mean do assignments and focus on my studies :)



Ai ling and gang - chenny andrew and jimmy .. we went and had an awesome fun night after church. eating away at nice ipoh food, dessert and even talked to this restaurant owner by random coincidence. it was a Godly thing. it was fun talking and being silly joking around with these guys!! :D

through this week, joanne, william and chunwei texted me to say hi and tell me how much they miss me and thought of me.
awwww...

teck keong generously took me out to this really nice place in south yarra for dinner. it was a staeak house. the food was real yummmmm.. it was that good that it made me scrap the idea about being conscious of wat i eat away. it was great stuff :D

Chenny due to his promotion, pay rise and recieving bonus has generously bought us koko black chocolate!! YUMMM :D


(that;s not the real exact thing of wat he bought us. but will get a pic of the real thing he bought us after i charge my camera :p )

but they are AWESOME stuff and i havent had koko black since i last had it with my sis 2 years ago maybe? tat place brings back memories. yeen, am i right? but surely God has been very kind, cos i needed it :)

and finally, the best surprise of all, KIWI BROUGHT A "SLICE" (is that wat you call it?) of DURIAN FOR ME!!
that's so sweet of him. i am proud to admit that i am a durian fan and durian brings back heaps of memories from home. family and friends.



YUUMMM .. thank you guys for showering gifts. it truly is the thought that counts :D :D :D :D :D thank you for making an impact in my life!

2 years anniversary

It'amazing how time flies. i had this song playing in my head.

"Our last summer"by Abba.
I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the sand, laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain.

it has been 2 years ever since i said yes. And ever since then, my life journey was never the same again. He has never left me nor forsaken me. Through times of joy and trying times with sorrow, His grace and mercy flows. His love never ceases.

some times life throws troubles at me, oh yea, but He's always there to hold my hand. name a few? house was broken into, loss my wallet in a foreign land, undergone loneliness, feeling of no one understand, falling sick, transitions, family disagreements, doubt. fear. rejection. blah bahblah. YET, there's always him. even when i wasnt looking to him, or expecting anything from him, his comfort is always there.

not only that, He laughs with me, makes me smile. brightens up my day and cheers me on! He shows me that there's power with love.

with him, there's always hope.
with him, there's always strength.
with him, there's always peace.
with him, there's always healing.
with him, there's always l.o.v.e.

thank you Jesus for this 2 years. i'm believing for greater things, cos there's defintiely more.

Praise

He is faithful through it all.

Psalm 27:13
I am still confident of this :
I will see the goodness
of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.



Thank you for choosing me. For carrying me and encouraging me. I know You're gonna look after me. I just know it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO!!!!

STOP I SAY

i should be smart enough to know when to stop. stop putting myself in a position that i'll be so vulnerable that enables the enemy to inflict pain. seriously mun yee, GET SMART!

excuse me as i make a few mental notes.
stop being so stupid and living in fairy-airy land.
stop letting the enemy rob you of your joy and innocence

cant you see the cloud of witnesses in heaven cheering for you?
Dont you know that you're all that you can be according to His glorious riches in heaven?
wake up silly girl. stop day dreaming and procrastinating.
when is it enough to make me realise that it aint gonna produce fruits and there would be no ending to it.
stop looking down on urself. look up!

God, help me not to look to the right or to the left but to look ONLY unto you. i have been very silly to even dream and have hope on what i should have let you be in control to start off with. Lord, i lay them at your feet. When men fail and disappoint me, God, i know you never would. Even my efforts seemed to be in vain, God, i dun wanna rely on my own strength anymore. Father, i'm sick n tired of myself. Let You live in me, and kick my flesh some whooping ass. I dont want to strive anymore. Thank you for using incidents to teach me new things :) thank you from waking me up from further disillusions. You open n close doors Lord. You take control. You drive.
Thank you that i am able to make an impact. I wanna do more for you. to be your hands and feet. to show love. let me be focus at only the things of yours. This is my earnest prayer.

this is for those out there who reckons i should blog everyday.

:) though i may not know what's happening in your life, i pray that you'll continue to draw strength from Him.

Rev 7 : 17

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

What a beautiful verse. Dont cry anymore babe, or dont even think that u're unworthy. He loves you and He wants to wipe away every single tear that stream down you face. i love you too.

Hillsong conference 08 highlight

it made me cried. yes chloe, i was crying :p and i blamed it on my blocked nose. hehe.

Life IS really simple. basically, one word sums it all up - LOVE.
Loving God and loving people. That's it.

Yet, why cant we all do that with all our heart?

sydney and back

The journey to sydney has been amazing!! Really.. couldnt ask for something else. I reckon each time of these experiences would definitely change my life and being around with friends, the people you love, just purely make it so much more enjoyable and memorable!! :D

I realised that God's been sending out rainbows everywhere! We've seen a double rainbow during our trip while we were at some kangaroo national park place and it was very clear which was the lime light!! :) as Rachel said, Rainbows are symbolism of God's promises :D Listen to this! even the kids know! Mel taught me this song and i'm terribly missing her already!!! >.<


The whole trip has been awesome and i've been eating TOO much that my sis said that i've gotta start exercising to loose some weight!! *gulp* shaikz! but i've already .. well attempting to develop a timetable!! my timetable, apart from tues and friday i could kinda get days off.. i have like massive breaks in between for wednesdays and thursday!! GRRR yes. sucks to be me! >.< trying to think of stuff that i could possibly do to fill up my time!! like what i'm doing now!!

Anyhoo, short note to these 2 awesome people!!

Jo - i'm praying for your complete healing as you venture out to taiwan :) i'm believing for miracles for you even as you lay down your life and serve

Jia Mien!!! happy 20th!! i know it's a lil late now, but i;ve wished you and i just wanna SAY A MASSIVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU PRETTY WOMAN!!! :p

(psst. so much for planning to do some homework! hehe :p)

Well, no matter wat, there's always time for this!!
PRAISE REPORT!

I just wanna thank God for this lil bump and situation that i'm going through right now! I've lost my purse on the very last day of my sydney trip. I'm not too sure how did it happened. We were at an outdoor cafe and was just having an awesome time chilling out and stuff. I took my purse out, paid Cat and put it back in and left my bag at the back of my chair, then enjoying myself at the indulgence of chocolates! :) yumm. Prior to us leaving, Mel asked if i could break a change, as i reached for my wallet, it went missing. We looked around and conducted a search team!! haha. bins, floor, people. but no where to be found.

if you were thinking, what's so good about this? i lost my purse. IDs and everything, knowing that a woman's purse contains the world!

well, YES i still have HEAPS of reason to PRAISE GOD!
we were flying that day, so thank God that this incident happened in the afternoon, when we were just relaxing and having heaps of time to calm ourselves (me) down and lodge police report and other procedures.

Also, as this is a domestic flight, i could have just used my drivers liscence as my form of identification to board the plane but somehow, for some unknown reason, i brought my passport along with me and therefore that day, i had no problem at all trying to board my plane due to lack of ID - yes, i store all my cards and IDs in my purse and it's all gone.

not only that, Aaron appeared so timely at the cafe. When he came, i just realised that my purse had gone missing. Being the typical business working man, he was very efficient and got hold of all the banks that i needed and helped me made all the calls. well, he dialed i did all the talking but still. the bank cards and stuff were settled within 15 minutes!

Not only that, Jimmy aka teck keong also owed me heaps of money. He has the cash with him that afternoon and was just showing ( could also be considered as flashing ) the cash towards me from his wallet. Somehow, i didnt ask for them and he didnt bother returning them to me either. it was a huge amount. and THANK GOd that they werent returned. cos it would have gone missing with my wallet!

YEA !! SO PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD!!

you think that's it?? NO!!!

actually, i've been spending alot during this trip and for this trip. Hence, i was really asking God for a financial breakthrough as my the amount in my bank goes less n less. when such thing happen, i was like a lil shock! seriously, i've never experienced incidents like this. i dun wanna point finger and said that it has been picked, cos i'm not very sure what happened either. it could be my fault not keeping it safe. but i was like i need money not loosing money. (oh yea, thank God i paid mel and cat off that afternoon so i didnt really have much with me then) So, yea.. i told God, whatever it is i'm believing for it to come back to me- my purse and money!
True enough, God has been looking after me well!! Monday, meiching paid me 40bucks from a breaky that i dun mind buying them. and yesterday another friend said that she wanna pay me back for some other stuff as well!! so yea. guess it's all been looked after and i dun really need to worry.

it'll be back! i believe...

w.o.w

i love the way God works
like how He puts you through valley to see His majesty. AWWW .. it's amazing. I had an amazing encounter with Him yesterday that never happened this way before.

I somehow ended up babysitting for my ex-neighbour's kids yesterday though i tot initially tat i was gonna have the night to myself. somehow, i managed to get to their house and do my thing. and even better, i was blessed greatly. they paid me more than i deserved. when i needed a financial providence! But that's not the end of the story.
It began when i reached. i wanted to watch Christian tv cos i knew that there's this massive revival happening at US and it's been powerful!! LIKE AMAZING! and prior to that was Joyce Meyers. So, i was like WOW. this is gonna be super cool mann! (in case you wonder wat the kids were doing, they were sleeping)

ok, i shall be very honest. Seriously, last week or so i felt like UGH.. aint at the top but i'm still perservering. now's like the season to go home and i really got a lil homesick, especially when jo and boss were there, jimuis hanging out and havent seen my family for so long. it aint great when it came together with all the emo music. nah-uh. not a good idea. but u know what, i've learnt that through times like this, it's time to stand strong and put into practice what you've been hearing. it's time to ACT upon the word of God. preach to yourself, let your spirit hear the word. it's awesome!

anyway, the story goes like this. i was watching tv - on Joyce Meyer's msg which really spoke to and i'm trying to apply it but more of that next time. as i was enjoing the show, suddenly, the tv goes



not tat bad but it went kapow blank. and i was then left alone, with nothing to do. but it's during then that God speaks to me the most, when there's no distraction at all. and i found this stuck on their fridge. SO GOOD

PATIENCE

Patience is coping with people's faults and failings
Patience is controlling your attitude when you wanna loose it
Patience is not raising your voice when u're angry
Patience is a soft answer
Patience is giving ppl more time than you should
It's bearing with people while they learn what you already know
Patience will make you 'complete' , the Bible says ' lacking nothing'
Patience is waitinf for people and doing it great
Patience is not huffing, sighing and 'losing it'
Patience is ruling your Spirit

Be patient! with others, yourself and God! The timing of God is perfect

Patience is nourished through trials, strengthened through pressure. Whatever that you're failing now, it increases your capacity. Increased capacity increase your success.

Be patient, it will surely comes to pass.

BORED

I'M SO BORED AT HOME!!

currently i'm so bored at home. i know i can do a quite few things but i'm somehow not doing them. i'm just drowning myself with thoughts and memories. why do i do this to myself? sigh*


i wanna cry but i cant
there's just too many goodbyes and hello again. cant i just pretend that i dont care?

i wanna go home. take me home.
teach me how to stay focus and stay strong.
please hold my hand. i cant do this alone.
how long more

the call

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

i'm done

i'm finally.. FINALLY done with exams :D after 2 weeks of watching chloe partying, it's finally my turn! mwahahhaha :D

weirdly, it didnt feel as though i've got no strings attached. my room is still in a BIG mess that i'm yet to tidy up.
coming online has made me realised that i've got a whole heap of stuff to do and it just stressed me out. why do i do this to myself >.< GRRR. anyway, it's good. i love challenges. only when i get through them! NOW, they ANNOYING me. and i wanna sleep. but sigh...

anyway, i pampered myself with a movie n lunch after my final paper.

i watched sex and the city. i was a lil put off by the title of the movie as well but after reading caleen's strong recommendation, i decided to give it a shot :P

it turned out to be very enjoyable. it made me thought and connected some dots.

the movie talks about friendships and relationship





cant u see the resemblance?





i made me think alot about us. haha. more about that later. but seriously guys! i cant wait for this day! :D




hehehe. do let my imagination run wild a lil :) i seriously look forward to the day when one of u girls (or even myself) walk the aisle! :D :D :D

WOW

it's one of my WOW moments :)

I've just received something that i didnt really even asked for, well i kinda did ask for something but it just came totally unexpected! Thank you God :)



and no i didnt buy a chocolate bar and casually open it to find it. a random stranger gave it to me at the train station. when it was one of the very few times where i go home alone after church :) i usually have train buddies or somehow bumming into other ppl. but today, just felt that God is going to take me home, so i went and taadaaah. a guy blessing me with a free chocolate bar :) how cool :) :) and i felt bad always receiving, so i made him an origami while i was on the train :p since we ended up boarding the same train. i should have the courage to talk to him but i was shy >.< and i really wanted to study at first cos i'm having



flagrace prac exams on tues. knowing anatomy with all the names, it does take alot to fully grasp it.

but guess wat i ended doing during my entire train ride? praying for tat dude :) :)

i guess everything that we do, it was all for love.








anyway, for those non-responsive readers who always check me blog, ladies, i want you to know that you ARE a



and God has his eyes on you.







and a lil update from my cubby. i should be embarrassed to even put this up. sigh but well. studies has made me neglect my room. winter cleaning right after exams mann

my bin is disgusting



my table is uber messy



i duno why i have the time to even take photos n put it up.
but i know one thing for sure tat i'll ALWAYS always want to make time for





for my Greatest One and the Only One.
i love you.

YAY!

next sem i've definitely gotten fridays off!!!! :D :D :D

and the best news is maybe i could get tuesdays off as well!! hehehehe :P YAY!




i know i should be studying instead of planning for next sem but i just cant bring myself to it. please pray for me.

where would i be

i am such a blessed girl!!! :)

had my first exams on monday. honestly, it wasnt the easiest but i had God's presence throughout the whole exam! it was awesome! well, if you'd seen me on sunday night, i had an attack. i wasnt stressed about exams but out of the smallest thing, i broke down and was fully crying all night long. it was literally something small that i gave permission for it to magnify itself. how silly of me. from a distress position to a state where i could smile and feel peaceful, it's really all glory to Him.
but also, really thank God for people He placed around me, my awesome housies, sister, chenny, lynnie and ailing :)

thank you for all the behind the door prayers that i've been recieving. i know i've been getting more n more of them lately especially during this exam period. oh yes. did i mention that i've got a paper tmr? gulp. i just cant concentrate at home!! GRR!

anyway, i've got another story to tell. i was blessed with FREE nandos chips!!! :) i went to study at this nandos near my place. i went there for the first time yesterday n i really liked the environment, the atmosphere, the setting of it. it wasnt like a busy packed and loud place. it was quiet with the classic country brazilian music going at the back. and apart from lunch time, i would basically be the only one in the restaurant! :p haha. how cool was that?! i made friends with the people serving even! well not really frens friends but we talked abit and stuff :p

so i was there since 11. bought a bottle of juice upon arrival and a chocolate mousse after 2 hour. at about 3.30 i was falling asleep and reckon that a bowl of small chips would help in keeping me awake. and guess wat? the waitress there was SO nice that she had already cooked it and was gonna give it to me! for ABSOLUTELY FREE! wow. God hears my thoughts :) and blessed me with them. i am such a happy child now!

on the other note, i'm excited about thursday night :) she's my babeee!










sweetheart, i want to go through this with you. i've been waiting for you to open up but i guess the few streets away is really a little too far now hey? why you never call anymore? what about my texts? my arms are open and i want to hug you, if you ever allow me to. i really love you, if only you knew.

i stumble upon this

seriously. u would have no idea where i got this from. even i am still trying to fully grasp this~!!


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

- from a return to love by marianne williamson -

God's been working in someone's life. Christian or not, He is standing right outside the door of his heart. i hope he realise that!!!!!!! and God, please work a miracle :) i know u can and u always do :) :)

listen

i just realise that i am like a kid, with short attention span. i am easily distracted with things. but hey. u cant really blame me for that. there are just too much colours to everything!

there's this


and this



can you hear the sound that they are making?? or how the littlest things are trying to grab your attention? imagine talking to people. or imagine trying to find out more things about them or things that went by your vision scope, or something come stringing by your ears. well.. i duno bout others but for me, i couldnt resist to focusing on one and just allow my eyes to trail the new stimuli. it's like everything around me wanting me to listen to them or look at them when i should be concentrating and focusing on doing my studies.

so how? just gotta tell yourself to focus!

dont you think it sometimes can be the same with God as well? He's been trying in every way to get our attention, but somehow, we've been too distracted. we've missed the still small lil voice as we're bombarded by the LOUD catchy noise. sometimes, it could be OUR own thoughts and self-inflicted stress. yeap. that's right. self-inflicted.
Greatest thing is that He doesnt give up or get turned down easily. HE LONGS to talk to us. He wants to talk to us or listen to us. sometimes all we need is to be still and listen to Him. Even though you dont know if God exist or even if He is real, He wants to talk to listen to you. He could speak through everything and anything! maybe you just need to listen. or maybe you could try talking to Him!

sick

being sick and trying to study is really hard. God, please give me the strength!!

havent been sick for so long and this puny cold is taking me down more than i thought it could! >.< but i'm still believing in the healing power of Jesus! "by His stripes, I AM HEALED!"

also, praise God, He's speaking to me more and giving me heaps of revelations and ideas!! :) how cool!!!
He gave me a dream. in chinese! i dreamt of the chinese character - heart - xin! it has been so long since i wrote a chinese and for one moment as i tried to write it out again, it looked funny that i had to use the computer to reassure that the character is correct!! hmm.

perhaps, God is looking at my heart now. what is it like?
the chinese character 心 does really resemble the our heart anatomically. the arteries and veins are the dots. and the space is where the cavities- atrium and ventricles are.
but my question to you is. what fills it? what fills your heart today?

exams' coming up in 2weeks.
i should really start studying. really.

it's the time of the year again. the holiday season approaching and the time that i usually go home. it's hard not to think about it when it has been a routine for more than 4 years. things are great here but i really wonder how are things back home? there's so much to do.. both here n there. could someone please invent a teleport thingy-magingy?

i've learnt how to do heaps of stuff in my new course. particularly, i enjoyed the nursing ones. still really thinking about paramedics. it's all exciting and stuff.. but imagine having someone's life at your stake. HUGE responsibilities. but then again, greater times to see God performing miracles. COOL :) either ones are cool. i love the healthcare professions! but yet again, there are so much complications to it. especially the ethics and rules. GRR! dun exactly know what they do but sure dont sound too good.

anyway, i'm trying to make this rice pudding thing for urban life and i duno how it taste like? anyone wants to have a try?

went visiting my kids on saturday! their family is so nice. i went shopping for myself the first time in 4 months!!!!! :) retail therapy. and guess waT? i bought a bini / hat/ buret thingo from pumpkin patch. it's a kids department hehehe :P twas good!

i'm tired from work. but i ate HEAPS! i had a max brenners waffle for the first time ever since i worked. yummm.. but surely consequences follow >.<

i should get back to a healthy lifestyle. it includes eating healthily and EXERCISE!! hey. dont laught. at least i am attempting to do this!

THANK GOD!

i passed my test!!

thank u so much to those who prayed for and with me. it was very much appreciated! and once again, shows that God hears our prayers. i was practically just letting Him take control and be in charge and it turned out better than i could imagined! i got above 90+ % !!! imagine that! WOW! i couldnt believe it myself either! His eyes are watching me :D

God is just so great! :)